For years it baffled me why he was so concerned about me being physical with another man, yet I couldn't stand the thought of him having a deeper connection with another woman.
Why was he more concerned about the physical aspect, while I, the emotional?
And now I finally have an answer.
Sara Pascoe, comedian, author and all-round legend wrote the book, Sex Power Money, and with it, she solved the very pressing mystery of why cheating means different things for men and women. Turns out it comes down to evolution - and all the cheating our ancient ancestors did.
In Sex Power Money, Pascoe refers to a study from 1992 where psychologist David Buss proposed men would be more jealous of a partner's sexual infidelity, while women's jealousy would be provoked by emotional infidelity.
Buss stated in his research that the reason for differing jealousy provocation is based on evolutionary principles. Human females are fertilised internally, and males have no paternity certainty, thus males would resent and/or prevent their partners from having sex with other men.
Basically, back in the day when our ancestors were rocking around in Flintstone fits, the entire point of existence was to reproduce. Women were the nurturers and men were the protectors, so if Fred decided he wanted to show another woman affection it would pull resources away from Wilma and Pebbles which could be deathly.
How on earth were they meant to eat when Fred was yabba dabba doo-ing around town with Betty?
And if Wilma decided to get freaky with another cave dude, Fred wouldn't be sure if the baby who popped out roughly nine months later was his or not and why would he look after a child that doesn't have his huge hands, major jealousy issues and shocking hairline?
I know what you're thinking, how the heck is this relevant to modern times when a lot of people are having sex and getting into relationships for mere enjoyment rather than to reproduce like our ancient ancestors?
Pascoe says, "A man who didn't care, who wasn't jealous – well, he's far more likely to be raising the children of other guys, spending his time and resources continuing the genes of some sneaky suitor, while his laid-back, 'let Marjorie express her sexual needs' genes were lost in the evolutionary cul-de-sac of non-reproduction."
"The very jealous men, those who mate-guard, harangued and checked all Marjorie's text messages – they ensured that offspring were genetically theirs, they bred successfully, and many of us have those unattractive and antisocial traits, thus making us unbearable to this day."
Thus meaning we have inherited the nasty jealousy gene because of natural selection. We are the result of super jealous men and women that have bred for hundreds of thousands of years.
"We're descended from the watching-his-ever-move, spreading-rumours-that-he's-impotent, accusing-him-of-flirting-with-his-mum, jealous b*****s." said Pascoe.
The Buss study went on to test 202 undergraduate students asking them if they were more upset by emotional or sexual infidelity.
Almost 60 per cent of males were more upset about their partner having sex with another person, while over 80 per cent of women saw red and had smoke blowing out of their ears when their partner was building emotional bonds with someone that wasn't them.
So even though our ancestors are well and truly gone, their survival instincts still remain and live on in us through passionate jealousy issues that make absolutely no sense. That is unless you are a heartless man who will only look after a child that is biologically yours or you're a woman who relies heavily on a man to provide for you.
And next time a lad suggests an open relationship you can say, "sure, but you can cut out your irrational jealousy when I sleep with other men because, unlike my ancestors, I'm on birth control and won't have another lad's baby, promise".
