Despite being ready to end the relationship and feeling at peace with my decision, when I finally got the words out, the look he gave me broke my heart and I felt guilty. Oh my god, so guilty, sometimes still do, even though he has very happily moved on and likely erased the moment from his memory.
The truth is, it's almost impossible to break up with someone without breaking at least one person's heart. Whether it's yours or theirs, pain will always be attached to heartbreak.
Even if you don't think you'll miss your partner specifically, you may miss the love and support you got from them during a certain time in your life, you may miss their family members or their friends, the intimacy or ultimately grieve the ending of a chapter in your life.
All are completely valid emotions to have, which is why it's important when you're breaking up with someone to do so in a respectful way.
What not to do:
"Hey babe, are you in a tunnel? Because we're breaking up."
Please don't text them that - actually steer clear of texting overall. A breakup will always be painful, it's one of those things in life that simply cannot be wrapped in cotton wool but it doesn't need to be made worse with a tragic joke.
Always remember, a breakup hurts but the embarrassment of dating someone who said such a cringey joke will hurt more.
Secondly, don't ghost your partner. I cannot stress enough how bad this option is. On the scale of bad breakup options, this one sits right up there beside taking the dog with you.
It's more heartbreaking than the actual breakup and leaves many unanswered questions.
Even if confrontation isn't you're forte – to be fair, it's not really anybody's unless you're a politician - it doesn't mean you can do your best Casper impression and skip the breakup chat or hit them with a "joke" mid breakup.
So before you breakup with someone, ask yourself, "would a teenager break up with someone like this?" if the answer is yes, keep reading.
What to do:
Once you are sure you want to break up with this person and have taken some time to think about what you are going to say to them, organise to meet them somewhere in person - yes, in person. We aren't 12 anymore. Unfortunately, you can't get your friend to break up with them for you no matter how much you want to.
First, pick an appropriate place. It's not smart to break up with someone during a dinner with their parents mainly because their mum – who loves their child more than life itself, will be there.
Do you want to get eaten alive? No, didn't think so.
Pick a safe place like a park, somewhere neutral or familiar is best.
Second, show up sober – this is super important because you don't want to slur your words and say "I never want to break up with you" when you really mean "I'm breaking up with you". It's also respectful, you were once in love with this person and even if you aren't now, they still deserve respect.
Third, be direct. You're ready for the breakup but them? Not so much. While you have been stewing on the breakup for a couple of days – or months this could be the first they've heard of it so you want to make it clear you are breaking up and not going on a break where you get back together in three months.
The worst thing you could do is give them hope of reconciliation if you know there isn't any.
Forth, prepare for their reaction. There is no way to know how your partner will react to your decision. They may get angry, sad or offer you forms of compromise. Understand that this comes with the territory and respond in a calm manner.
Finally, once the breakup conversation is over and you have parted ways it's important to check in with yourself.
Breakups are messy, they are snotty tissues littered around your bed, half-eaten chocolates being thrown at the unrealistic rom-com you're watching and very long sit-down showers because nothing screams "I'm going through a breakup" quite like watching your tears mix with shower water.
But no matter how hard it is, you will get through it.
