The Dating Diaries: Is it 'anti-feminist' to enjoy the thrill of the chase?

It might be old-fashioned to admit it, but men prefer to chase than be chased when it comes to dating. Photo / Getty Images

OPINION:

Men like to chase; they don't like to be chased.

It seems old-fashioned in a time of female empowerment and it seems daring to agree with it, but I'm going to be controversial and say that I agree.

Over the years of chasing men and being chased by men, it's become increasingly apparent to me that the men who chase you want you more than the men you chase.

This hot topic has the scholars of the world trying to decode it in books, articles, podcasts, etc, and while I'm no worldly scholar, I have read almost every article published in Cosmopolitan about dating and I think this makes me an expert of sorts.

So, here's my "expert" opinion you didn't ask for.

Men don't simply want to chase, it's in their DNA to chase. It's basic instinct - they evolved from cavemen after all. Men sense a conquest; men chase, and they conquer. It's that basic.

Granted, the conquest in cavemen times was about survival and in 2020 it's for fun, but the thought process is the same.

It comes down to showing off their alpha male traits fuelled by cloying testosterone. That's why they enjoy chasing an oval ball, carry freshly shot pigs on their back and why the only picture on their Instagram is of them holding an impressively sized marlin they caught three years ago. The bigger the catch, the better he feels.

After all, anyone who says size doesn't matter is lying.

But why do women allow themselves to be chased in a time when we should be taking the lead?

To be frank, women like attention, especially romantic attention. Being pursued is like a 30-day free trial during which you get showered in serotonin-boosting affection and have someone to create elaborate daydreams about.

The initial reasons men and women engage in the chase are different, but when you get down to the nitty-gritty, the reasons why they both continue to participate are the same.

The chase is like a drug. It makes you feel happier, excited, and validated because it releases a bunch of happy chemicals in your brain, and while I'd love to elaborate on what those are, I never passed biology and the only medical degree I have is in watching 16 seasons of Grey's Anatomy.

The chase is also a time to establish boundaries and verify compatibility.

At this time, you are neither acquaintances nor lovebirds. Instead, you can be found in the sweet in-between aisle and this, my friends, is the perfect place to tell each other what you want from a relationship (and a time for him to get used to finding your bobby pins and hair everywhere).

But those aren't even the best parts of the chase - the best part is the lack of pressure to continue seeing each other if the red flags start to flap in the wind. You can easily make like a ghost in true Gen Z fashion and disappear, or if there are no flags, fall madly in love and spend Valentine's Day thanking Cupid for doing his job right.

No matter what age you are, the chase is exhilarating. The chase is what they make movies about; it's the part of the love story we all want to hear.

Please go and enjoy all it has to offer, but remember, while it's cool to be a go-getter, sometimes the best thing you can do is put your assertive female empowerment mentality aside and let a man take the lead.