The Dating Diaries: How to survive a break up friendship custody battle

What if you love your partners friends more than you love them? Asks Lillie Rohan. Photo / Getty Images

You know it's bad when you don't want to break up with them because their friends are really cool.

You always hear about relationships where one partner doesn't like the other's friends and they roll their eyes and constantly talk about how much said partner's friends suck and refuse to do absolutely anything with them.

But what if you're in a situation where you actually love their friends?

It's a shit show because you end up staying with a mediocre lad who only changes his sheets once a month, but his friends (or friends girlfriends) are the bee's knees.

And then you wonder if there is something wrong with him because his mates are hilarious, and he just isn't?

Well, my loves, it's not an easy dilemma but we will get through it together and I'll tell you about the pot of gold at the end of the relationship tunnel.

First things first, everyone is going to tell you to keep in touch with your own friends who have nothing to do with your relationship. That's your childhood BFF, that one lad you have a secret crush on but nothing will ever happen with, and your sassy friend who you love to hate.

Frankly, it's not bad advice.

They are the friends that will take you clubbing and remind you there is a world outside of your relationship (shocking, I know) and keep you in check when his lingo becomes a major part of your vocab.

You've literally never said "shaka bruh" before in your life, you can't use it four times in a sentence and expect your friends not to look at you like you have four heads.

You'll find having your own friends will take the pressure off your relationship because you'll have places to be and people to see and your partner won't feel like he has to replicate 3-1 shampoo by being your lover, councillor and best friend.

It's a win-win.

As well as keeping your own friends, make sure you prioritise your relationship with yourself, there is nothing worse than coming out of a relationship and realising you have no idea who you are without them.

Spend some nights by yourself, find a hobby, if you value career building, throw yourself into that. These will all benefit you if you do eventually break up because you'll still know who you are, you wouldn't have lost a big chunk of your identity.

Now, onto keeping a healthy friendship with his mates.

Obviously don't skip uni classes to go spend one on one time with his best guy mate, if anything screams red flag. Very understandably it fuels the fire that you're into his friend more than him. Something his feelings (and ego) will hate.

Probably best to steer clear from his inner circle of guy mates as best you can unless it's in a group environment and when it is make sure you keep your naturally charming and flirty self in check.

When it comes to his female friends, it's a whole different ball game and you'll likely find you either immensely dislike them or love them to bits.

Chances are the queen bee of the group will be the first to make contact and if she likes you you'll be welcomed into their girl gang. Think dinner invites, getting ready before group soirees and a whole lot of hugs and reassurance after a fight with your lover.

You'll wonder if your friendship will fail without the middle man if they are only situational friends. What will you talk about if not you're not in that friend group anymore?

Here is the light at the end of the relationship tunnel though, if your friendships are real with these women, it won't matter if you break up with him or not, they will still be there for you and years later you'll all be laughing you ever had fears about it in the first place.

And if they don't stay friends with you post break up, c'est la vie. Everyone comes into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.