The Dating Diaries: How to scratch the seven year itch

Do you say "ew" about your partner more than you swoon over them? You might have hit the seven-year itch. Photo / Getty Images

OPINION:

If you woke up this morning and said "ew" about your partner of seven years, buckle in.

You've had the lust, infatuation, love and then came the "your farts smell but I can live with it". But in an unexpected twist, you've found yourself smack bang in the middle of the itchy seventh year that wreaks havoc on your relationship for absolutely no rhyme or reason.

And before you freak out, it's not the worst thing in the world. In fact, it's pretty normal.

But what is with the seven-year itch? After being together for almost a decade you wouldn't expect to catch the ick from your lover. You already know how they chew, the way they snore, their likes, dislikes, quirks, kinks, what kind of flowers their mother loves to receive on Mother's Day. They name it, you know it.

Yet that's exactly where the problem lies.

Where you were once in a happy, healthy relationship full of sexy swoon-worthy surprises, you suddenly find yourself snapping "keep it cute or keep it on mute" to your lover and daydreaming about the tall, lanky, funny white guy who wears vans on the red carpet. Here's looking at you Pete Davidson.

Which can only mean one thing, it's time to reignite the light or it's time to say sayonara to the person who is giving you nothing but mid-level kisses and full-time boring chat.

It might be time to stop moaning about things like, "Why can't my relationship be bright and sparkly instead of old and predictable?" to your pals and start making some saucy changes.

And because this cynical dating columnist is on the fence about the existence of long-term "true love", I decided to call in the big guns.

That's right, your favourite psychotherapist and relationship counsellor, Kyle Macdonald is back to give you the low down on what the heck a seven-year itch is and how to scratch it.

Questions with Kyle:

Is the seven-year itch a myth or reality?

Not a complete myth, but not completely true. Research shows early divorce rates peak about four to five years, so if anything, it's a four-year itch. And it is true that all relationships evolve and change over time, as they transition from initial excitement and lust to falling in love to comfortably settled attachment. Failure to recognise the last phase for being what it is can lead to distance, boredom or disconnection - and in some cases infidelity.

How common is the seven-year itch?

All relationships go through ups and downs, but obviously not all end in divorce at four to seven years. How well couples navigate the ups and downs, and in particular the phase of drifting apart is a big part of success. Couples that do this well keep turning towards each other, literally and emotionally, and grow together over time.

What can couples do to overcome the seven-year itch? Is it something serious requiring couples therapy?

Stay connected, and keep talking. Don't be afraid to talk about any distance, the ups and downs and use these conversations to keep generating closeness, and understanding of each other.

Put down the phones, and take time out every day to talk, especially about the small things. If the dissatisfaction grows or talks repeatedly turn into conflict, consider couples therapy. Don't be afraid to ask for help, relationships can be hard, but building something long term with someone is worth it.

'But what if it never gets better?'

This dating columnist hears you.

Worst-case scenario, you end up like reality TV queen, Kimmy K. Ms Kim Kardashian hit the seven-year itch with Kayne West and now look at her.

She's 41, flirty and thriving with the king of BDE, Pete Davidson. Does she look sad about it? Not in the slightest.

So fear not my itchy pals, because with the help of me, and Kyle Macdonald, the best is yet to come.