In a super snuggly duvet, I had a not-so-snuggly dream. The kind that makes you wonder what on earth is going on inside that brain of yours and why would it pick now to bring up old problems you were 99 per cent sure you'd moved on from.
Somewhere between a pillow imprint on my face and far away from consciousness, I came face to face with him. My ex-situationship. I don't think I can call him an official ex because we were only together in high school for like a week, the rest was a typical gen-Z unofficial thing. But I digress.
In dreamland, he twirled his ring on his middle finger, wore a white shirt showing a sliver of the tattoo on his chest, and of course, had a cheeky yet incredibly charming smirk dancing across his lips.
The man I thought I had said goodbye to made an unexpected appearance in my slumber and while I may not remember the dream, I certainly remember the feeling of waking up and wondering why I had travelled back to the good old, extremely confusing, not sure how to define this, days.
A little annoyed that he had bombed my nightly escape from the real world, I couldn't help but think about Mr Ex-situationship for the whole day. Dream or no dream, I have no hard feelings when it comes to him because we never really had a breakup, only an "oh this didn't work.. again? When will we learn?" moment and seeing him again, even if it was in a dream world, made me ask a million questions.
During a conversation with my editor it became clear, dreaming about your ex isn't a new thing, it's not unique, likely everyone has done it and yes, almost everyone is rattled by it. So I can't help but wonder if it's been a while since you've seen them let alone talk to them, why does our brain feel the need to reignite all those mixed feelings?
And so, Dating Diary punters, this is how we got to the moment Kyle opened his inbox and thought, "oh no, it's the dating columnist again".
Here's what Kyle had to say when I sent my tricky questions in his direction:
What does it mean when I dream about my ex?
"It's important to not take the content of the dreams too literally, it's more important to reflect on the feelings that come up as a result of the dream. It may not mean anything about your ex that you're dreaming about them, maybe it's the feelings that you had with them that mean something to you, craving that security or the love that you felt then - or the present reminding you of them in some way which your brain is processing while you sleep."
If I'm regularly dreaming about an ex is it symbolic of feelings or an event I haven't yet come to terms with?
"Probably, only if it's distressing: repetitive distressing dreams can be a symptom of unprocessed trauma, but otherwise, I wouldn't read too much into it. Again, reflect on the feelings and how it may connect to what you're going through or experiencing now - or may point towards feelings or experiences that you need or crave in the present."
I haven't seen or talked to my ex for years, why am I dreaming about them now?
"Our past intimate relationships are always part of our story - intimacy cuts deep in terms of forming memories and having an impact on us. Most people will be able to recall all their meaningful relationships, or sexual encounters because they matter.
"Nothing wrong with that, it doesn't mean you're not over it, just that it may connect to now in ways that might not seem obvious at first - but with time and reflection, our subconscious is trying to show us a connection we may have consciously missed."
So there you have it, it does and simultaneously doesn't mean anything. But everything is down to interpretation and if you want to think dreaming about your ex means they have been manifesting you back into their life, then you believe it, baby. C'est la vie, and thank god for Kyle.
