The Dating Diaries: Concerned your partner might be cheating? Five signs you could be right

Concerned your partner might be cheating? Here are five signs you could be right. Photo / Getty Images

OPINION:

Live, Laugh, Love is the saying written in calligraphy and used as decor in any 40-something woman’s home. But it has a second unofficial part you might not have heard about.

Lie, Deny, Cry is often left off the slogan, which is understandable. We are living in a glass-half-full world. Or at least trying. But part two of the late 2000s quote leads me to believe one thing. It was coined by someone who was doing something they shouldn’t have been, like cheating.

Here’s my theory: said quote-maker was living, laughing, loving – key word here – their way through the world of infidelity when, suddenly, their partner found out and they had to lie, deny, cry.

And if you think your partner is doing the same but you need more proof in your manilla folder of truth, I see you, I hear you and I’ve got you.

Here are five signs your partner could be cheating:

They hide their phone

Any Gen Z will know that, if you want to catch someone out for any suss behaviour, you go straight to their phone. It’s the beholder of secrets, of naughty chats and even naughtier pictures. But mostly it’s the thing you use to make plans with people – particularly those you shouldn’t be making plans with.

Obviously, you’re not just going to steal your partner’s phone and go through it without their permission because that would be both unhinged and illegal. But if you have a sneaky suspicion they’re doing the dirty behind your back because their phone is now more guarded than Area 51, it might be a sure sign they are hiding something.

Change in sex drive

While some believe a sudden lack of sexcapades means their partner is cheating, sometimes it can be the complete opposite. I know, I’m sorry. I never said it was going to be easy to take down this love criminal.

If your partner is someone who is regularly in their feelings or even a tiny bit self-aware, they may realise closing the door to sex will give away that their innocent “lunch meetings” aren’t so innocent after all. And if this is the case, they could try to hide the breadcrumbs by pouncing on you in the bedroom.

Either that or they may start setting up the pillow barrier in bed and rarely touch you – another sign they are doing things they shouldn’t be.

Money is no object

Picture this. You’ve met someone who floats your boat and ticks your boxes. There is a date in the calendar, the text exchanges are getting rather sweet and sometimes saucy, and it hits you. You have a desperate desire to look good and smell nice and be all the 10/10 things, but that costs money.

“Oh, bugger it,” you think, “splash out, treat yourself.”

Do you see where I’m heading with this? If your partner is suddenly spending more money or enhancing their appearance, it might not be because you made some passing comment about their ratty old concert tee. It could indicate they are wanting to impress someone.

They share way too many details

The thing about lying is it’s an art. You have to identify your tell-tale sign, keep track of all your tall tales and be really, really convincing. It’s a full-time job.

But there is an easy way to tell if someone is guilty of spinning a yarn. They will overcompensate. If someone is telling the truth about where they’re going and what they’re doing, chances are they will give you a small, brief, outline of what they’re doing. But if they are trying to conceal the truth, they may divulge a lot of detail because they are trying to picture the story in their mind.

For example, if they are telling the truth, they might say “I’m going to meet Jo for a drink,” but if they’re lying, they may say, “I’m going to meet Jo, my friend from work for a drink. They’ve had a really tough week and need to chat so we are heading to that new bar across the road from work. They have great happy hour deals. Will probably be home at 7.”

Okay, Pinocchio.

Your intuition is your BFF

One thing about our subconscious is that it specialises in identifying fight or flight. If your partner’s vibe towards you suddenly changes, you may not realise it at first but best believe your subconscious will be taking note. If you have a nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach, or sudden anxiety, telling you something isn’t quite right, don’t just message your bestie, listen to it.

Do some digging and put your detective hat on. Sure, it could be nothing, but it’s obviously enough to trigger a response.

After all, where there is smoke, there’s fire.

If these five signs are sparking alarm bells and making you feel like your stomach just jumped off a 10-storey building, take a deep breath. Before you go full Beyonce in her Becky with the good hair Lemonade era, tell your partner you need to talk.

Confrontation isn’t the easiest thing to do, but it might be the only way you’re going to get answers.