Not sure where you should be looking for your perfect match? This new dating theory may help. Photo / Getty Images
Not sure where you should be looking for your perfect match? This new dating theory may help. Photo / Getty Images
OPINION
There comes a time in every person’s life when you need to stop, smell the roses and ask yourself, “What fresh hell is this?”
It might be because work is chewing you up and spitting you out. Or maybe, you made the silly call to the IRD and realised you’ve still got five years left on your student loan and an unpaid tax bill from 2019. Or maybe your third situationship of the year has come to an end leaving you wondering if Taylor Swift’s Anti-Hero is your autobiography, what is wrong with you.
If you’re here because of the first two, godspeed - I am not your girl. But if you’ve arrived in this pretty little article because you are looking for love, say less. You have come to the perfect place.
This time last year, I sat on the couch with my very fabulous, charismatic, way-too-intelligent-to-be-worrying-about-this-kind-of-thing bestie and almost chose violence when she expressed her fears about never finding a boyfriend, and even asked “is there something wrong with me?”
At the time I had no answers except, “Your 20s are meant to be fun and flirty, who even needs a man!” but now, I’m older, I’m wiser and I recently sat down with Bumble’s resident astrologer Emma Vidgen who helped me realise something major. We’ve all been asking the wrong question.
It’s not about what’s wrong with you, or them, but rather, asking, what do I need in a partner?
Bumble's resident astrologer, Emma Vidgen. Photo / Supplied
When it comes to love, there’s no rhyme or reason to it. You just click with a person and live happily ever after - or you don’t. And while astrology can’t tell you which way it’s going to go, some believe it can give some insight into whether or not that person ticks the boxes you need ticked before you fill out all the paperwork.
So, if you’re a curious Gemini whose intrigue has reached an all-time high, or a Capricorn who simply must plan every aspect of their life, grab the time and location you were born, enter it into a birth chart generating website, such as Cafe Astrology or Astro Seek, and let’s identify what you might need in a long-term partner.
If you’ve ever dabbled in astrology, you may know each planet and house placement tells a story. For relationships specifically, Vidgen explains a few placements are vital in identifying what you may need in a partner. “Your moon sign is all about your emotions and how you process feelings,” adding that the specific placement “describes what you need to feel safe and secure in a relationship.” However, it’s not the only important part of your chart, she says you also need to “look at Venus and Mars because that’s where all the sauciness comes from”.
But what does each placement actually symbolise?
Traditionally, Venus is the placement of love, beauty, pleasure and money. It’s the placement in your birth chart that reveals how you express affection and who you’re attracted to.
For example, if your Venus is in Taurus, you may find that you need clarity in a relationship, you want to put that girlfriend/boyfriend title on it two weeks in - or less. You may also value physical love. Kisses and cuddles, anyone?
On the other end of the spectrum, if your Venus is in Gemini, you may find that you need space – and a lot of it. Emotions are slightly scary to you so you’ve probably been told you’re fickle or a flirt in a few break-up texts.
Vidgen notes the other important placement is Mars, which is considered a “personal planet” and is the placement that reveals the most about your sex drive, ambition, passion and energy.
She notes that if your Mars placement is in Libra, particularly the fifth house, you need a relationship that prioritises the physical and sensual aspects of love. “There needs to be that chemistry and that zing,” she says explaining that long-term relationships can fail if you aren’t working at keeping these aspects “fresh and fun”.
But if it’s in Leo, you’re less about the physical side and thrive more with someone if you’re having fun and entertaining others. You don’t take yourself too seriously and because of that, you’re a bit of a charmer, so you need someone who matches this energy.
While the saucy placements are important, Bumble’s Astrolove astrology notes that your moon sign is just as important as it paints the picture of how you communicate as well as what makes you feel safe and secure in relationships.
An example Vidgen used is having a moon placement in Aries. She says this placement needs someone who is effectively ready to jump with them. “With the moon in Aries, you need to be with someone who is going to be okay with you taking the lead at least some of the time and is happy to be spontaneous.”
Vidgen also says this placement isn’t scared of a bit of confrontation or big fights because they usually result in lots of make-up sex - something they love.
So, next time you’re sitting on the couch with your bestie, questioning what’s wrong with you, why the lad couldn’t see how amazing you are and if you’ll ever find love, you’ve got two options.
Tell yourself that the world isn’t ending, and actually, being single in your 20s is quite a lot of fun, or look up your birth chart and start investigating what boxes need to be ticked.
Astrology may not be your cup of tea but Vidgen says it’s all about understanding what makes you you and being able to say, “This is what I need in my relationships and this is how I express love”.
Lillie Rohan is an Auckland-based reporter covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2020. She specialises in all things relationships and dating, great Taylor Swift ticket wars and TV shows you simply cannot miss out on.
