The Dating Diaries: Bumble, Tinder and Hinge - how Kiwi dating apps are approaching ghosting

If you're a Bumble user thinking of ditching a date, you may want to think again. Photo / Getty Images

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Grab your friends, grab your emotional support drink bottle and buckle in because if you spend most of your screen time on dating apps, you’re going to want to keep reading.

Once upon a time, in the land of delusion and no consequences, people got away with planning dates and not showing up.

I know, it’s shocking. Horribly, embarrassingly, shocking. But it’s all a part of the journey that is dating and we must never forget our roots - literally and metaphorically.

Now, dating apps - or rather one dating app - are putting their foot down. They are sick and tired of being given a bad rap thanks to the people ditching dates with no explanation (aka. Ghosting), and their solution is kind of fabulous, but obviously annoying for serial no-shows.

Much like that friend with a bookshelf full of self-help books, dating apps are always trying to better themselves. They want to be a safe, fun space for singles to mingle and we truly cannot blame them.

So, when Bumble found out they play a part in the select bunch of people who plan dates, lure their potential lover to a bar, restaurant or park and then don’t show up when the clock strikes date o’clock, they decided to take a stand and become ghostbusters.

As of recently, Bumble has officially become the first dating app to launch a new set of community guidelines aimed at cracking down on ghosting.

Why not just let the natural dating act take place so you can get sympathy from your mates about a date you didn’t really want to go on anyway, you ask? According to Lucille McCart, Bumble’s APAC communications director, Bumble wants everyone using their app to feel “respected, supported, and able to express their authentic selves”, which, of course, begins with the ending of rejection.

What exactly is a ‘no-show’ or ‘ghoster’?

Understandably, it’s difficult to define what counts as a no-show, especially when the excuse could be that their “brother’s girlfriend’s, cousin’s, uncle’s pet hamster suddenly died”.

To protect their members, Bumble has clearly defined what is a reportable offense and what would result in a ban.

McCart tells the Herald, that if you have been stood up and you’re ready to hammer a nail in your potential lover’s Bumble coffin, you would have to prove that “clear and agreed plans were confirmed by both parties (either on Bumble or on another platform with screenshots depicting this”.

You would also have to prove prior to the date there was absolutely no contact from Casper explaining why they won’t be able to make it. If you can’t prove this and are simply reporting someone because they stopped messaging you back after the date leaving you a little butt hurt, sorry legend, but it doesn’t count as a ghosting.

When it comes to dating apps, they all have guidelines to protect their users. Photo / Getty Images

What are the consequences?

Basically, if you’re a serial ghoster or no-show, your scorned almost lovers (or friends), have the opportunity to report you, and if you’re caught repeatedly disappearing, you could be banned from Bumble.

“We want to ensure that Bumble and Bumble For Friends remain positive and empowering places to build meaningful connections.” McCart says, adding, “Repeatedly ghosting an individual could lead to members being banned from the platform.”

Are other apps doing this?

As it currently stands, other popular dating apps including Tinder and Hinge currently do not include ghosting or no-show specific community guidelines. But, like anything, we can only assume they will soon follow in the footsteps of their fellow apps.

Speaking to the Herald, a spokesperson for Tinder said, “At Tinder, we believe that healthy and safe dating begins from the moment you create your Tinder profile and send your first Like and we’re focused on creating industry-leading ways for people to connect and to remain safe both online and offline.”

The app is no stranger to banning members for inappropriate behaviour and frequently encourages its members to report people causing “harm or discomfort both online or offline”. However, there is currently no ghosting or no-show specific rule or guideline.

As for Hinge, the app’s goal is to get users off the app and into great dates. They also market the app for people who, “don’t mind putting a little effort into their dating life because they’re invested in finding someone great. They are not afraid to put themselves out there by authentically representing who they are - quirks and all.”

Again, despite these values, they currently do not have a ghosting or no-show-specific rule or guideline.

So, if you’re a dater who is petrified of being stood up, it seems your best app is Bumble, otherwise godspeed singletons.

Lillie Rohan is an Auckland-based reporter covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2020. She specialises in all things relationships and dating, great Taylor Swift ticket wars and TV shows you simply cannot miss out on.