While it feels like everyone is parting ways at the moment, there is a glimmer of hope. Photo / Getty Images
OPINION
The wet weather might be getting closer, but do you know what’s not? You and your partner.
The spark was swept away in the bitterly cold wind and you were carried out of the house and onto a plane because you are determined to catch flights, not feelings, this July.
That’s right, I’m coming in hot because the weather is not.
For the past month, my Instagram feed has been filled to the brim with attention-grabbing, gossip-worthy breakups. And even Hollywood appears to have been hit by the break-up bug.
Avril Lavigne and Tyga broke up after approximately three seconds together, Taylor Swift reminded not only Joe Alwyn but also Matty Healy they’re just an old cardigan she thought she might have liked but then said “nah” and threw them in the op-shop pile. And how can we forget Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner who seem as though they are about to embark on a super messy divorce?
So maybe it’s a conspiracy theory and giving massive tinfoil hat energy but there are whispers all through town that break-up season is upon us.
And aside from being engrossed in every famous person’s separation announcement, I can’t help but wonder, what is it about winter that causes us to realise that maybe we don’t like our partner anymore?
Thankfully, I’ve got some good news for all you anxious little love birds. Winter doesn’t statistically make us want to break up with our partner because it’s not the true break-up season.
Published in 2008 on Information is Beautiful, British journalist David McCandless conducted a study based on Facebook status updates that revealed break-up season isn’t in June, July or August - but December. In fact, globally the most popular day of the year to break up is December 11, which feels cruel because it’s right before Christmas and New Year but in reality makes a lot of sense.
During that time, it does seem like your partner is ghosting because they don’t want to splash out on those breathtaking Tiffany and Co earrings you’ve been subtly dropping hints about for weeks. But the real reason they are becoming distant might be a lot more upsetting than not receiving the sparklers.
Speaking to the Sydney Morning Herald, dating expert Renee Slansky said it’s not that your partner doesn’t want to spoil you, but it comes down to those pesky New Year’s resolutions.
“I think as the year ends couples break up because they assume that the underlying issues they had in their relationship would have been fixed by now and they dread carrying the same issues into a new year,” she says.
“We tend to use this time of the year to reflect and ask ourselves what we really want and what’s not working out and then make decisions to either continue or end.”
So now that we know it’s not separation season, how on earth do we explain the excessive breakups that appear to be happening at the moment? If it was up to my friends and I, we would claim it’s because Love Island is on and who has time for a boyfriend when you’ve got an episode every night and six situation-ships to keep up with?
But Bumble’s 2023′s predicted dating trends report has other theories.
The report found that this year is the year of guardrailing and if you’re scratching your head wondering what on earth that is, I see you and I’ve got you. Guardrailing is just another way to describe boundaries - it’s a popular practice for Gen Z and even more so in dating, especially since the pandemic. In fact, the dating app found that since 2021, 52 per cent of people have established more boundaries than ever before.
This means singletons and those in relationships are clearer about their emotional needs and boundaries, they aren’t overcommitting their time and energy and are far more aware of behaviours that could be a problem in their relationships now or further down the track.
With this major shift in boundary awareness, Bumble found one in three people on the women-first app ended a marriage or long-term relationship in the past two years. It’s something they’ve dubbed the “dating renaissance” and may explain why so many breakups are occurring right now.
So, instead of freaking out that you could be the next one to symbolically wipe your (ex)partner from your social media feeds, stress not.
It’s not break-up season but it is guardrailing season so set your boundaries, communicate them to your partner, ask them to do the same and all will be well. And if it’s not, well, it will be eventually because 2023 is our glass-half-full era and rejection is just redirection.
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