Hundreds of women are taking to TikTok to share a "brutal" new dating trend. Photo / TikTok
Hundreds of women are taking to TikTok to share a "brutal" new dating trend. Photo / TikTok
"I really f***ing like you. Like wow, holy s***. You're just the most beautiful girl," the guy that University of Michigan student and TikToker, Cadigan Smith, was dating texted her last month.
"And the time we spend together is so effortless and fun I never want it to end."
The exchange looked to signal the kind of early 20s relationship that underlines the plot of a Netflix rom-com. Within days, however, he had texted Smith again.
"Look, I really hope you don't take this the wrong way I'm just trying to be as honest as possible with you," the message read.
"But I'm just not that attracted to your body and I feel like if this moves forward it would be fake. Like I don't wanna lead you on and be talking to a girl I don't really get turned on by? You know?"
While there's absolutely nothing wrong about changing your mind in a romantic scenario, the texts signify a "brutal" dating trend that hundreds of women are taking to the platform to detail their experiences with, their videos soundtracked by Billy Joel's Piano Man.
"GOOD MORNING BABY I LOVE YOU," a March 28 text message that another TikToker received read, only to turn into, four days later on April 1, "We are done Taby. You destroyed me. Don't expect me to keep your secrets for you. And take a shower your breath f***ing smells."
"Well to be honest you're a little too overweight for me," another boy told 20-year-old Mady, who posts under the handle @crazyfroglookinass. "You were crushing me."
University of Michigan student and TikToker Madigan Smith. Photo / TikTok
As one user put it when commenting on Smith's video, "Why do men feel the need to tell us that we aren't attractive to them? Like, just say you aren't feeling the vibes and move on."
While the "switch" in tone — from fawning and complimentary to offensive and, in many cases, hurtful — doesn't necessarily constitute "love-bombing" (which, by definition involves the intentional manipulation of one person by another), "the way we socially talk about love-bombing is connected to these types of texts", Sydney writer Melissa Mason told news.com.au.
The texts took a "brutal" turn. Photo / TikTok
Instead of them being sent to "intentionally manipulate", the Jeans & A Nice Top co-host said she feels "like some people — I've personally seen it a lot with straight men — don't have the self-awareness to see that some thoughts should stay in your head, at least until you're sure about how you feel".
That expression of feeling — with messages like these — tends to come "when the shine wears off", Mason explained.
"A spark is new and exciting, but it doesn't sustain a relationship or even longer-term interest. So many factors contribute to a spark that would make someone feel connected like this — mood lighting in a sexy dive bar, a conversation where both parties are aligned on their thoughts, a great kiss," she said.
"What happens is then that reality sets in — the person makes a bad joke, disagrees with you or whatever that 'ick moment' may be — and on realisation that this person is, you know, a person, that high-key infatuation instantly cools. It's textbook immaturity, honestly."
When you search Piano Man on TikTok, a defining factor of a lot of the texts women post is the invoking of an issue with — or sleight against — their personality or habits as being the reason the person they're seeing no longer being interested.
Messages like these tend to come "when the shine wears off". Photo / TikTok
"I do think it comes back to the last-of-filter thing — I don't think they understand the difference between honesty and the thoughts you can keep to yourself," Mason said, when asked why this could be the case.
"That being said, there are definitely men out there who will criticise a woman to feel powerful, which is gross. It's such a case-by-case basis in my opinion, though [as to why women feel the need to call it out]."
Regardless of the circumstances, however, she has "zero time for men commenting on women's bodies" — especially when it's used as an excuse to call things off in a romantic scenario.
"A spark is new and exciting, but it doesn't sustain a relationship or even longer-term interest." Photo / TikTok
"There is no excuse for it. When I say that some men don't know the line between honesty and oversharing, that is about how they feel toward this other person, not about perceived 'flaws'," Mason added.
"If you're out here telling someone what you determine is 'wrong' with them, then you're just an asshole."
If you find yourself on the receiving end of a text like the one Smith got, Mason suggested honesty as being the best policy — but, again, it's dependent on the circumstances (and what the message says).
"If it's simply a case of someone who was obsessed with you suddenly cooling off and calling time on your relationship, it's okay to be vulnerable and admit you saw things going somewhere, and you're sad it's over. There's no point pretending to be some sort of cool person with no feelings," she advised.
"But if they're being rude, manipulative or toxic in their communication, the best way forward is to block them and move on. Engaging in their toxicity is just going to get you down — this person doesn't deserve any more airtime in your brain."
