Charisma
It is not power alone that is an aphrodisiac, it is the combination of power and charisma.
Leadership expert Ronald E. Riggio describes the key elements of charisma as social and emotional expressiveness, sensitivity and control. That is, the ability to know what to say when, how to say it, and how to read a room.
This high-level communication ability means that a charismatic man knows exactly who he has to be to get what he wants in any situation. He knows what a young, beautiful girl likes to hear. He knows how to flatter and seduce, tease and amuse.
The same skills he's honed to cajole unhappy clients, close deals and smooth over disagreements, are perfect for getting under the defences of a stranger.
The spotlight
Not all of us crave attention, but when someone charismatic turns their spotlight onto you, it is difficult not to bask in the glow.
A charismatic, powerful man is an excellent listener, is attentive and thoughtful and will work hard to make you laugh. They will have the means to shower you with gifts and take you to amazing places.
A charismatic person has the ability to make you feel like you're the only person in the room. And they will not take 'no' for an answer. They will be charmingly persistent for as long as necessary.
The thrill
As Amber Harrison has said, her relationship with Tim Worner was "thrilling" at first. Sneaking around, meeting in secret, knowing something only you and he know, takes us right back to when we first discovered the thrill of deception.
Secrets are powerful. They can turn a mundane existence into an exciting journey. The danger of getting caught makes you focus on being clandestine and distracts from the fact that you are compromising your integrity. So what if you're in flagrante delicto in a toilet stall? It's exciting, right?
The walking wounded
A powerful, charismatic man will also often have a story about how he is badly treated at home and unfortunately, women haven't learned to look after one another the way men do.
Men will defend each other's honour and protect one another, but many women still have a scarcity mindset. We believe the story about the b**** at home without question. It is often only when the powerful, charismatic man turns the charm off, that you gain insight into why the woman at home is so (justifiably) angry.
The power of power
In my experience, powerful people rarely admit to themselves that they have power over others. Instead, they justify their actions by insisting that people have free wills. They say things like, "They would say 'No' if they didn't want to do it".
They ignore the fact that they have considerable say over an individual's career progression, job security and reputation. So the feedback loop is skewed: People say yes to the powerful person more often and the powerful person ignores the reason why - they just think they're amazing!
Powerful and charismatic men are difficult to resist for all the reasons above. However, the cold and dramatic fall that happens when the affair is over, hardly makes the thrill worthwhile.
If you happen to be young, beautiful and in the prime of your life, consider saying no to that powerful, charismatic man no matter how good he's making you feel right now or how sorry you're feeling for him.
It will pass. Just ask Amber.
Dr Christine Brown is a psychologist, manager and executive coach.
