NZ Herald reporter Tess Nichol has signed up to bootcamp in a bid to get shredded for summer. A self-confessed couch potato, this is her very honest journey to getting fit.
Much like Jesus, I have martyred myself and been reborn.
It's the end of week two and I feel amazing.
My sugar and alcohol cravings took about a week to pass but now they're gone all I can think about is how much energy I have, how much clearer my head feels and how good my skin is looking.
No one is more pained than I am to admit all this, believe me.
But I am bound as a reporter to tell the truth and the truth is I feel great.
I look exactly the same, which is kind of annoying.
I had been of the understanding that if you diet for, like, eight days and do some squats, you're rewarded immediately with a lithe, toned body and the strength of Samson.
This is apparently not the case but at least I can get up and down from my desk without groaning like an old man any more.
Despite my enthusiasm while writing this, I will admit the week didn't start out so well after my nutritionist Kate Walker passed on some alarming news.
Coffee can inhibit weight loss, because the caffeine increases adrenaline output, which gives the "pick me up" feeling coffee provides, but increases glucose release from the liver and muscles into the blood stream.
This is part of our "flight or fight" response, she said.
Levels of insulin, one of our fat storage hormones, are raised which can interfere with weight loss.
I usually have a coffee when I wake up and one or two more over the course of the day - not every day, but probably more weekdays than not.
Kate tells me first of all to delay that first cup in the morning, especially if I'm eating an iron-rich breakfast because coffee can stop its absorption, she said.
She said to drink a big glass of water instead, then wait at least an hour to see if I still feel like a flat white.
I tried this on Monday and caved quickly, but on Tuesday I made it through the whole day without a single cup - and felt fine.
For a lot of us there's something ceremonial about a nice cup of coffee and Walker said there's no need to drop the habit entirely.
One cup a day is generally fine she assured me, but it's about being mindful of what you're putting in your body and making sure you don't over-consume what you don't need.