Ten things you only know from online dating in your 50s

No one puts their real age up on line. Men who say they are 55 are actually 60 or even older. Also, photos mean nothing. Photo / Getty

For a few years of my life, I did online dating to death. I became single at 44 and from match.com and Plenty of Fish to Tinder, I tried them all. As a middle-aged mother with four children, the dating arena was particularly fraught. Not at all like when I was young and you met people through friends and work.

Instead, it was like stepping in to a world I no longer understood, that didn't seem to work in any way I recognised. Men I thought were single and available turned out to be married and available for only one thing. I came on this fact after my friend pointed out that a man I'd been talking to online and felt really interested in, was never available to "chat" at weekends.

There also seemed to be some online lingo I didn't understand. "Favourite activities", I found out, was a sexual enquiry rather than a interest in hobbies.

So I feel for Edwina Currie - probably the only time I will ever have feelings for Edwina Currie - when she says that online dating over a certain age is a nightmare.

The former MP was apparently "startled" to discover many daters were only after sex. But, for many middle-aged women, that would be a god send. I actually know loads of really attractive single women who are all looking for sex. Many of them had come out of loveless, passionless long-term marriages and would be more than happy to have a one-night stand.

Not least as people view sex differently these days. I know several couples - one who are actually getting married - who started with the sex and got to know each other later.

1. No one puts their real age up on line. Men who say they are 55 are actually 60 or even older. Also, photos mean nothing.

2. Saying that, beware of anyone who posts photographs of themselves with their kids/ex/holding a pint of beer/strumming an air guitar/has half the picture ripped off (and it is obviously of his wedding day).

3. Never, ever go out with a man who says he is "looking for cuddles". This is not a euphemism for sex. It means he really does want cuddles, ie. needs looking after and hasn't grown up.

4. If a man asks "what are you in to" then what he means is "what sort of sex are you in to" - if that's OK with you, proceed. If not, run.

5. Lots of men may well want sex but they have the same body hang-ups as women and many of them - ahem - no longer have the same libido as when they were years younger.

This is a tricky area and one which, when we were all first dating, never had to think about.

6. Be really sure about what you are looking for - if a man with his own house and a stable income is important, there is no point in dating the sad, miserable one who has been crucified by divorce and can't afford to buy you dinner. They may be witty and handsome but it's not going to work. I spent far too long dating men I felt sorry for rather than thinking about what I really wanted.

7. Be aware that women and men are often looking for different things - some older men are looking for a carer, really. They can't bear the idea of growing old alone and, underneath all the dating shtick, they are quite happy to have their pipe and slippers and lovely woman cooking them dinner.

8. There are some really nice men out there but they might be hopeless at dating. I've met men who are so nervous that they've fluffed the first date - gabbling on about their exes, for example - but got much better when given a second chance.

9. Always have a back up plan ... I'd send a coded text to my best friend and she'd then text me pretending to be one of my children saying I had to go home immediately. It worked every time and it saves you from being rude.

10. Be careful to make sure they are who they say they are. If someone chats you up, gets you in to bed but is never around at weekends, he is probably already married.