The truth is, I've been in a much better mood since I quit. Yes, there have been times when I've snapped. But apart from those fleeting moments when the cravings hit hard, I've been much calmer, and much less anxious, since I quit half a month ago.
I didn't notice it, at first. But then, the other day, a colleague said I was looking much happier than usual. I didn't really say anything in reply, which prompted her to later clarify that she meant it in a good way. I realised she thought I had been offended, but in truth, I was simply puzzled. I was trying to process what she'd said - and as I did, I realised I was happier. I hadn't consciously recognised it until then - it took someone else noticing for me to realise.
It's hard to put a finger on exactly why I'm happier. But I think it may have a lot to do with my sense of self-worth. As a smoker, I often felt like a pariah, an outcast. Or worse - I felt powerless, like I was too weak-willed to not give in to the cravings. So it has been empowering to leave that all behind - to know that I am making a positive change, both for myself and for others around me.
Usually, motivational jargon leaves me cold. It's too upbeat, too transparent. But when I read Stoptober's email, it somehow resonated with me.
I really do feel worth it.
To take part in Stoptober, visit www.stoptober.nz
For help quitting, visit Quitline at www.quit.org.nz or phone 0800 778 778
