There's a special someone out there who really gets you. Have patience, and maintain high standards of personal grooming. Spend time with the elderly. They don't have much to offer but it'll do you good. Shopping is a virtue. Practise it constantly. Your career path will come to a crossroads; look both ways, and follow the path that leads to instant gratification. Have you thought of applying for a PhD? Intellectual vanity is no worse than any other form of vanity. You probably think the song is about you and guess what: it is. Avoid Twitter, meat and strangers.
VIRGO (August 23-September 22)
You've got a lot on, so here's 2019 in bullet points:
* Sunny days.
* A new car.
* A new you.
* An insane ex, but so what.
* Organic produce.
* The career ladder.
* Moving on.
* Oxygen.
LIBRA (September 23-October 23)
Much to think about this year. Can anything stop bitcoin? Would Jesus be labelled an extremist today? Is there any escape from Facebook? How do you respond to working under pressure? Will our renewed focus on career and technical education stimulate smart investments in ways to better prepare all young people for the future of work? True or false: in war, events of importance are the result of trivial causes? What happens after Homo sapiens? What are we going to do about Saudi Arabia? What's for dinner?
SCORPIO (October 24-November 22)
Are you thinking of going into business for yourself? Base your decision on greed and not what you can do for others; altruism was never your strong suit. Romance might move in mysterious ways. Are you down with role play? Remember: it's only make-believe. Travel beckons in spring. Avoid Europe, Africa, Southeast Asia, North America and the Pacific. Old habits die slow. Linger over your failings. They're a part of you and they've made you who you are. Lucky number 6 3/5, lucky colour rhino grey.
SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 22)
Your planet Jupiter is wild and capricious, but when it hooks up with responsible Saturn from March through to October, the results will amaze you. Overnight success, instant acclaim – life will swipe right, and favour you with whatever the heart desires. The downside is a loss of direction. Set free from your moorings, the yacht of fate will list, keel, and capsize around about November. Travel light. As Robert De Niro says to Al Pacino in Heat, "A guy told me one time, 'Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.'" Watch your back.
