NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Steve Braunias: Man on fire

Steve Braunias
By Steve Braunias
Senior Writer·NZ Herald·
21 Feb, 2015 07:00 PM13 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

Perhaps I had lit the fire, because all of a sudden there was the sharp smell of smoke. Photo / File

Perhaps I had lit the fire, because all of a sudden there was the sharp smell of smoke. Photo / File

A couple of close calls prove life is a series of tests, writes Steve Braunias.

It was a winter's evening last July at about six, just gone dark, and I should have lit the fire. It was a cold night. But perhaps I had lit the fire, because all of a sudden there was the sharp smell of smoke.

I was sitting next to my 7-year-old daughter on the blue couch in the lounge. My fiancee had gone out for a brisk walk around the block. The two of us stayed indoors, lazy and companionable, to watch a really good episode of Disney comedy series Good Luck Charlie.

It's about the Duncan family of Denver. Bob is a bug exterminator and his wife Amy a frustrated actress. They have five kids. The gorgeous Bridgit Mendler plays the eldest daughter, Teddy, who films video diaries of their crazy life.

Sometimes I wish our lives had a laughtrack, like on Good Luck Charlie. A studio audience would be on hand to hoot at our brilliant and improvised dialogue, the things we say around the dinner table, at bath time, on the couch.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

I said to my daughter, "Can you smell something?"

She said, "Huh?"

We were sitting directly opposite the fireplace. I got up and examined the fireplace. Smoke wasn't coming from the fireplace, on account of the fact it hadn't been lit.

I rushed to the kitchen. The oven wasn't on and neither were any of the elements, or the toaster, or the kettle. The smell was now very bad, and I was suddenly afraid.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Our house is designed for upstairs living; I rushed downstairs, on a kind of whim. I supposed the smoke was coming up from the garage, or the fusebox in the laundry, or the electric heater in my carpeted office - that heater had once singed my overcoat. I still wore that overcoat. I couldn't bear to part with it. Like all nervous wrecks, I am attached to old familiar objects; they work like a compass, they tell you where you are.

There was no fire downstairs, no smoke. I rushed back upstairs and there was smoke, thick and black and rolling in like a storm, in the hallway. I turned on the hallway lights. They didn't work. I couldn't see anything. I realised later that the lights were working, but the smoke had blacked them out.

I rushed down the hallway in search of the fire. It wasn't in the bathroom. It wasn't in the spare room. It wasn't in our bedroom. There was one room left to rush into: the fire was in our daughter's bedroom. I stared at the flames. They were nearly beautiful, definitely very pretty.

A few months later, I read Young Men And Fire, a terrifying book by Norman Maclean, which recreates the tragedy of 13 firefighters who were killed in a forest fire in Montana in 1949. Maclean had worked on fire crews. He knew about fires, about the speed of their apocalypse. He described the beginning of one insane blaze: "At first it was no bigger than a small campfire, looking more like something you could move up close to and warm your hands against, than something that in a few minutes could leave your remains lying with nothing but a belt."

Discover more

New Zealand

Safeguard your sleeping spaces

29 Nov 05:00 PM
New Zealand

Students assess risk of carparking building fires

31 Aug 10:45 PM
New Zealand

Open fire ban on council agenda

10 Oct 04:00 PM
Entertainment

Karl Urban house fire hero

27 Nov 04:00 PM

The flames in our daughter's bedroom were bright yellow and blood red. I think I saw orange, too. The carpet was on fire, next to her bed, beside the oil heater. The flames were not quite knee height. The rest of the room was in darkness.

I rushed back to the kitchen and put a pot in the sink and turned on the tap. The water flowed at its usual languid pace. I yelled to my daughter, "Where are you?" She yelled, "Downstairs!" I yelled, "Good girl!" The pot had gathered maybe four or five inches of water. That would do. I rushed back down the hallway, and for a moment I was lost, didn't know where I was. The smoke had got darker, thicker. It was complete, you couldn't see anything except smoke. My eyes watered and it felt as though I was being strangled. I staggered into our daughter's bedroom and threw the pot of water on the pretty fire.

It went out.

I did everything wrong. But the things I did do weren't as bad or stupid and dangerous as the things I didn't do. I didn't take my daughter and evacuate the premises. I didn't call 111. I didn't even have smoke alarms. In fact, I'd taken them out. They were such a nuisance. I hated their pathetic wailings every time they responded to the slightest puff of smoke from a toaster.

I shouldn't have tried to put the fire out. It seemed like an important priority at the time. I was scared and in a state of panic and I rushed around like a fool, downstairs and upstairs, poking my nose into all the wrong rooms, but I had a job to do and actually I remained calm, deep inside. No fears for steady men. The interruption to Good Luck Charlie and the threat to home and life was something that called for action. The thing to do was find the fire and deal to it.

God only knows how I failed to electrocute myself when I threw water over the flames and the heater. It must have just missed the electrical circuits. And what was I thinking when I then calmly unplugged the heater? Whenever someone asks that question - what were you thinking? - the answer is always the same. You weren't thinking.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

I took the heater downstairs, and tossed the wretched thing into the backyard. I opened all the windows. My fiancee returned from her walk, and saw enormous gusts of smoke pouring out of the house. "Everything's perfectly all right," I said.

Our daughter was thrilled. She had been very active. She said later that after she yelled out that she was downstairs, she got it into her head that she should call the fire service, so she raced back up the stairs for the phone - she also wanted to call her mum. She got as far as the top of the stairs and the smoke drove her out.

The cause of the fire in Steve Braunias' daughter's room: an oil heater. Photo / Brett Phibbs
The cause of the fire in Steve Braunias' daughter's room: an oil heater. Photo / Brett Phibbs

There was a fish tank with two goldfish in our daughter's room. I carried it downstairs. After I started wiping down the walls with a broom and a wet cloth, I got it into my head that I should call the fire service. I apologised to the man for bothering him, and explained there had been a small fire, which I'd put out, but wondered if they might like to come over and check to see if things were safe.

"Christ," he said. "We're leaving now."

"Well," I said, "there's certainly no need for sirens or any of that drama." He'd already hung up.

The sirens bellowed as the truck turned into our street. Men in helmets tromped up the stairs and inspected the property and declared it was safe. They inspected the oil heater and declared it was faulty. The thing had melted, caught fire.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

They said we were lucky. They said another 30 seconds in the smoke in the hallway or my daughter's bedroom and I would have been killed. They said something about carbon monoxide but I didn't really listen to the details.

One of them said, "You look a bit rough." I said, "No, I don't." He called an ambulance. They said we all had to go to hospital. Our daughter was ecstatic. Her good humour and intense curiosity wore off after a few hours of tests and waiting for results of tests. She and her mum got the all-clear about 10pm, and went to my fiancee's parents' house for the night. Because I'd inhaled a lot of smoke, I was asked to stay for further tests.

I got sick of sitting around with a needle taped to my arm so I fled about midnight. I went home. The house was freezing. The goldfish swam very low in the fish tank. The cats were hungry. I shut myself in the lounge and tried to sleep on the couch. I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking of how I had failed my family, that I hadn't got my daughter out of the house; and I also thought about what might have happened to her if the fire had started a few hours later, when she lay fast asleep in her bed, next to the oil heater.

From Norman Maclean's book, imagining how the 13 firefighters perished in Montana: "They did not die of burning. The burning came afterwards ... Heat and loneliness became the only remaining properties ... The heat even burned out fear ... You sink back into the region of strange gases where there is no oxygen and here you die in your lungs; then you sink into the fire that consumes."

But we had survived. The house had survived. We were like the Duncan family of Denver in Good Luck Charlie: we had experienced adversity, but come to no harm. The man from the insurance company arrived the next day and set to work. It took a week for the cleaners to finish the job. I slept badly, and was frightened and ashamed and tearful, but a bit of mild trauma never hurt anyone.

I got a call from my quack to come in and discuss the results of the boring tests at hospital. I made an appointment. He said my heartbeat was a bit irregular.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

"Oh well," I said.

"There's something else," he said.

I looked at him.

"They found a shadow on your lungs," he said.

It was 24mm in density and it might be cancer.

It wasn't my house that caught fire. It was me. I was on fire.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Burning man, struck dumb - what to do, how to respond? I have long been preoccupied with the fairly humourless and probably Darwinian notion that life is a test. It tests your decisions, your nerve, your character, everything. The fire was a test. I kind of passed - I was the hero who saved the house from burning down. I kind of failed - I was the blunderer who risked his daughter's life. I wasn't up to the test of cancer. I gave in straightaway, admitted defeat.

I paid the appointment fee in silence. The receptionist looked away. I felt as weightless as smoke, and drifted across the road. I have always loathed the idea of bucket lists; they're grandiose, self-serving, predictable. It occurred to me that one thing I'd always wanted to do was take the bus to the shops in Glen Eden.

You never hear anyone talk about that obscure suburb in West Auckland, but I've always liked the look of it. It feels like a town on a volcanic plateau, somewhere remote, windswept. It feels deeply New Zealand - it feels old and familiar, and I wanted to cling to it like a favourite old overcoat.

A railroad passes through it. When the trains approach, bells ring, and there is a drone like a vuvuzela. The train station is at the top of a gentle slope, and looks over the main shopping street. Towering over the shops is a large billboard of barrister Greg Presland's face. He looks like he might be Glen Eden's hanging judge.

I had a cup of tea and a toasted sandwich at the Trocadero tearoom and bought a book about the Lockerbie air disaster at BE secondhand books. I mooched around. I was stunned, speechless, very tired. I was in hell. I waited for a train. A tough old broad sat next to me on the platform and started complaining that her partner had given her a black eye and wouldn't share his cans of alcohol. She pointed him out - a shambling figure drinking in the bushes.

Then she said, "Come with me to the toilet." I said, "No, I'm good, thanks." She said, "Let's have some fun." I said, "I'm sick. Leave me alone." Was I sick? I broke the news at home that night. "It might be nothing," I said.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

I went to hospital for a CT scan. They said the results would come through in about a week. The days limped by. I focused on work. I interviewed a nice man called Andy Stankovich, a singer who was preparing to stage an Elvis tribute at The Civic. I wanted to say to him, "Help me, Elvis." Our daughter went very quiet. She asked questions about my health when I wasn't there. She stayed close when I was there. We were lying on top of the bed one day after school when the phone rang. I picked it up. It wasn't a long conversation. I put the phone down and she said, "What's wrong?" I had just been told that I was out of work. Revised budgets meant my position at Metro magazine was being "disestablished".

At least it took my mind off dying. Was I dying? "We'll get through this," my fiancee said. I was on fire, but I was lucky. I had love. We clung to each other. I felt I was disappearing from view. I've never much cared for myself, but I couldn't bear the thought of abandoning my family.

The hospital called. The results would be with my doctor in two days' time, a Wednesday. I interviewed Andy Stankovich again. He walked around his house singing to himself, "It's now or never ..." It rained very hard and was bitterly cold on Wednesday. I went to Metro in the morning for the last time to listen to some HR bore talk about redundancy calculations. The doctor's appointment was in the afternoon.

There were four workmen on the motorway wearing gas masks and protective orange suits.

We parked in the supermarket carpark next to the doctor's surgery, and there was a busker dressed all in black with a Texan tie. He sounded like he was playing a death ballad.

We held hands and waited in reception. The doctor stepped out of his office. He looked very grave. He didn't say anything; he beckoned me with his finger.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

There were two glass paperweights on his desk. I could see over to the North Shore through his window. The sky was white. He made small talk, and he didn't look me in the eye. Obviously he was about to give me bad news. But then he gave a slow smile and said, "We're winning". It wasn't cancer. It was nothing, merely the presence of smoke from the fire. It had collapsed the lung, but only temporarily. I didn't know how thoroughly depressed I had been until I heard the good news and was finally, for the first time in a long while, happy. I was safe. My family were safe. The fire was out. At last, for good. For now, till next time. Life is a test, and the tests never end.

Editor's Note: This story has been updated to clarify that Steve Braunias was told revised budgets were behind his position being disestablished at Metro.

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

How an innocent search on social media drew me into the disturbing world of extreme dieting

Lifestyle

'So raw and blistered': Parents claim Huggies nappies cause rashes, company denies fault

Premium
Lifestyle

‘Women get gaslit a lot’: 10 menopause myths the experts can’t stand


Sponsored

Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Premium
How an innocent search on social media drew me into the disturbing world of extreme dieting
Lifestyle

How an innocent search on social media drew me into the disturbing world of extreme dieting

Telegraph: oung women are being exposed to dangerous diet and exercise advice.

16 Jul 06:00 AM
'So raw and blistered': Parents claim Huggies nappies cause rashes, company denies fault
Lifestyle

'So raw and blistered': Parents claim Huggies nappies cause rashes, company denies fault

16 Jul 12:01 AM
Premium
Premium
‘Women get gaslit a lot’: 10 menopause myths the experts can’t stand
Lifestyle

‘Women get gaslit a lot’: 10 menopause myths the experts can’t stand

16 Jul 12:00 AM


Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper
Sponsored

Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper

01 Jul 04:58 PM
NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP