Sinead Corcoran Dye on pregnancy expectations vs harsh reality

Birth preparation is no walk in the park, says Sinead Corocan-Dye. Photo/ Sylvie Whinray. Dress / Legoe Heritage

If I worked at a company, I’d still probably be a month or so off going on maternity leave, but as it stands, I am self-employed and still vomiting around the clock, so I have officially called it a day on working, bar this fortnightly column.

Here are my grand plans for this pre-baby arriving, nesting period, which all involve me transforming into a completely new and improved, highly motivated Stepford-esque person. And here’s what I’m achieving instead.

Washing, drying, and folding all the baby clothes

Apparently, this is a very big part of the nesting process and is an important thing to do because clothes allegedly often have chemicals on them that aren’t good for new babies’ skin. Plus, maybe another baby tried them on in the changing room?

What I’m actually doing

I didn’t separate the coloured baby clothes from the white ones, so they are all now a greige colour. I also washed the cover of our second-hand (so eco-conscious!) bouncer chair, put it in the dryer and shrunk it so it wouldn’t fit back on the frame and had to be thrown out (not very eco-conscious).

To cheer myself up, I dressed my screaming cat in the baby clothes. Husband insisted they now simply must be rewashed. I couldn’t be bothered; told husband we shouldn’t coddle baby and that germs are good for their developing immune systems.

Start gentle but very important exercise regime

According to the internet and healthy people, exercise is super important during pregnancy to manage weight gain, improve your overall fitness, and strengthen your heart. Lovely activities such as prenatal yoga and Pilates can help practise breathing, meditation and other calming methods that may help manage labour pain. Regular exercise, such as walks, can also help give you energy and strength to get through labour.

What I’m actually doing

Joined my local gym and paid several hundred dollars to a personal trainer who created me a bespoke pregnancy workout plan. Did it once. Waited expectantly for fellow gym-goers to tell me I was so inspiring working out while pregnant, and also very beautiful and glowing. Left after 15 minutes and zero compliments. Cancelled membership and accepted the only exercise I would continue to do would be taking 11 minutes to walk up our house’s one flight of stairs while wheezing. Wished my obstetrician would put me on bed rest because that’s more my vibe.

Sensible meal prep for when the baby comes, and you have no time to cook

I had always planned on buying a chest freezer and throughout my pregnancy filling it with dozens of delicious and nutritious home-cooked shepherd’s pies, lasagnas, and curries.

Then I got hyperemesis, and this plan sadly went right out the window because I couldn’t stomach food at the best of times. Plus, as my husband reminds me, I had actually never cooked a meal in my life even before I got sick, so as if I’m going to start now – please!

What I’m actually doing

Continuing to live off toast and Uber Eats and accepting my baby will also come out a shade of greige. Kept playing the “woe is me” hyperemesis card with friends until the loveliest one took pity on me and kindly offered to do a “meal train” when the baby comes. Grovelled at her feet. Vowed to name greige baby after them.

Read some educational baby books

What better way to know what to expect when you’re expecting etc! Very responsible.

What I’m actually doing

Spending seven hours a day rotting in my dressing gown and watching TikTok videos of what to pack in your hospital bag, without ever actually purchasing any of the necessary items or packing said bag. Saved the one parody video of a woman taking only a bottle of pinot noir to the hospital. I forget the rest.