A reader develops fresh reservations about his mother-in-law's plan to build her "forever home" in their backyard after she asks him to sign an unusual document.
Q: My wife and I own a small house with a large backyard. My mother-in-law, 63, asked if she could use her small nest egg to build her forever home on it. (We can't subdivide our lot, but we can build a guesthouse.) We agreed. She's a terrific grandmother to our toddler, and the move would take financial pressure off her. She spent US$5,000 on approvals and plans. Just before the excavators came, she asked me to sign a document giving the total value of the guesthouse to my wife if we divorce. She never mentioned this before! I understand her concern, but I don't want a contract with my mother-in-law about my marriage. Now I'm getting concerned about her living so close. My wife sees both sides. What do you think? — Husband
A: I don't doubt that everyone means well here, but divorce is only one of the issues you should hash out before you reschedule the excavators. What if you and your wife have more children and want to leave your "small house"? What if one of you gets a terrific job offer in another city? And how would you even value a guesthouse that's built on land owned by you and your wife?
Multigenerational living is great if it works for every generation. Here, I worry for your mother-in-law: No one should invest her life savings without a written agreement. I also respect your (newfound) concerns about your mother-in-law living in your backyard. I worry, too, about your wife's seeming reticence. Most of us would have strong opinions about our mothers moving within spitting distance of us, but your wife seems oddly blasé.
Here's the thing: This family compound may be a triumph, but I would pump the brakes on it until you've explored all the issues with a lawyer and made an agreement in writing. If you aren't willing to do that, scrap this plan.