The 40-year-old actress knew it was time for a bold new beginning. Photo / Robert Trathen
The 40-year-old actress knew it was time for a bold new beginning. Photo / Robert Trathen
Walking away from the job she loved wasn’t an easy decision for Shortland Street star Ria Vandervis, but after reaching what she describes as “total burnout”, the 40-year-old knew it was time for a bold new beginning.
And after 12 years of giving her all on the iconic Kiwi soap, Ria is embracing this next chapter, which is all about slowing down and being present for her miracle son Teddy.
“Shortland Street was such a huge part of my life, so it was a really scary decision to leave,” says Ria, who played much-loved Harper Whitely on the show. “But I had to be brave because I’d reached the point where my body was saying ‘no more’. I couldn’t keep going as I was. And now, I’m just loving having a bit of me-time and finding myself again. It feels right.”
All is quiet when Ria welcomes the Weekly into her stunning Waiheke Island home on a beautiful summer’s morning in January. Three-year-old Ted is at daycare, Ria’s husband Chris Ashton, 39, is at work in the city and she’s enjoying a peaceful morning on her own.
The specialness of this isn’t lost on the actor, whose life until very recently was anything but restful. While she loved her work on Shorty, juggling 12-hour days on set with motherhood was no easy task. Ria hoped she’d be able “to do it all”, but over time, she realised this hectic existence wasn’t what she wanted as a mum – especially given how hard she and Chris had fought to become parents.
Ria’s younger sister Lottie, donated her eggs to the couple. Photo / NZ Woman's Weekly
The couple experienced six years of heartbreaking fertility struggles before Ted was made possible by Ria’s younger sister Lottie, who donated her eggs.
“When I had Ted, everything changed for me and my entire focus switched to him,” tells the star, who went back to work part-time when her baby was 6 weeks old. “He was so hard fought for and then I just felt like I wasn’t present enough for him. I think, as women, we beat ourselves up. We think we can do it all and we’re invincible, but actually, we can’t. Everyone has a limit.”
And by the middle of last year, Ria found she’d reached hers. Constantly unwell, suffering anxiety and with the overriding sense she wasn’t doing anything well – neither motherhood or work – Ria says she knew something had to give. She started seeing a therapist and went on antidepressant medication, then eventually made the tough call to walk away from the job she loved.
“It felt incredibly sad because I’ve spent much of my adult life there – my entire 30s! – and it’s been such a fun and wonderful job, but something had to give.”
Ria shares she didn’t know much about burnout until she heard a What Matters Most podcast about the topic by Kiwi actor Antonia Prebble. It dawned on Ria what she was dealing with.
“I was like, ‘Oh, my God, that’s me. That’s what was happening to me!’ I was completely and utterly spent,” she recalls.
Ria and Chris experienced six years of heartbreaking fertility struggles before Ted was made possible. Photo / Robert Trathen
Ria says she felt a huge weight lift from her shoulders when she resigned, and she and Chris excitedly began planning for their new chapter. First up was a permanent move to their holiday home on Waiheke Island, which they bought five years ago, and is just a couple of minutes’ walk to Ria’s mum Jo and stepdad Steve’s house.
Life on the island is a much-needed antidote to the pace of Ria’s former life. Ted is thriving in his laid-back new environment, as are she and Chris.
“The whole decision to move here was about giving Ted a better life and for him to have a mum who’s around more,” tells Ria. “Before this, we lived in a townhouse in Mount Eden, with no freedom to roam at all. But now he’s having an upbringing on a beautiful island, with all this amazing outdoor space, and being close to nature. It really is a dream.”
Ted goes to daycare for short days, before Ria picks him up in the early afternoon and they head off on mum-and-son adventures.
“We go to the beach over the summer, or to the playground or to see my mum. It’s not lost on me how I’m very privileged to be able to do it. I’m incredibly grateful.”
And with time now to recharge, Ria is feeling better than she has in years. She takes F45 workout classes several times a week and enjoys long walks on the beach.
“What I needed was deep rest and time to take care of myself, and that’s exactly what I’m getting now. I feel great.”
The talented DIYer is keeping busy with projects around the home. Photo / Robert Trathen
And Ria is slowly working out where she wants to head careerwise. The talented DIYer – who started an architecture degree before going to drama school – is keeping busy with projects around the home, which she shares on her popular Instagram page, and even has plans for a renovation and architecture-themed podcast.
She has auditions lined up for acting work and is also a director in husband Chris’ business Konstruct, which makes custom-printed apparel and promotional products. But it’s her work as a marriage celebrant that brings her the greatest joy right now. Ria, who started officiating marriages 12 years ago, has wed hundreds of couples since then and still gets a huge buzz out of sharing in people’s special days.
“I have found that being a celebrant is a lovely extension of my acting work, because it’s about telling people’s stories, which I love. And I really enjoy meeting so many different people at such a happy time in their lives. I feel privileged to do that work and I hope to do a lot more of it now that I have more time. I’m hoping to work with families as a funeral celebrant too.”
Saying goodbye to her Shorty character Harper wasn’t easy and Ria happily admits she cried many tears on her last day of filming at the end of last year. She won big praise for her final performance, which saw Harper lose her life after being in a motorcycle crash with Drew, her onscreen husband, played by Ben Barrington.
“I was so sad when I learned Harper was being killed off,” she admits. “It really did feel a bit like a grief, but I’ve come to terms with it now.”
When she first landed the role almost 12 years ago, she never would have believed she’d be there for so long. But Ria says she’ll be forever grateful for what the show gave her: a stable income – a rare thing for an actor in New Zealand – lifelong friends, and an exciting and fun workplace.
There’s no doubt that motherhood comes first for Ria. Photo / Robert Trathen
“I’ll always feel so grateful I was able to be part of Shortland Street because it’s such an important part of the industry and New Zealand culture. It tackles important issues like other shows don’t really, and I’m lucky I was able to spend so long there.”
But as Ria looks to the future, there’s no doubt that motherhood comes first. She is simply smitten with Ted, who she describes as an active, hilarious, strong-willed little guy who makes her laugh every day.
“He’s joyous, funny and cool,” she enthuses. “I’m proud to be his mum.”
While Ted is too young yet to understand the extraordinary role his Aunty Lottie played in his creation, Ria says she and Chris will never stop being grateful to her for making their dreams a reality. After several failed IVF attempts and a devastating miscarriage, Ria feared she might never become a mum before her sister made the ultimate gift.
Ria and Chris are hoping to give Ted a baby brother or sister. Photo / NZ Woman's Weekly
“Lottie will always be the most amazingly special aunty to Teddy and when he’s older, of course, we’ll tell him all about how he came to be,” explains Ria. “I will always have deep gratitude for her. I feel like that’s in my body, you know? It makes me cry just thinking about what she’s given us.”
And with time and space now to contemplate the future, she and Chris are hoping to give Ted a baby brother or sister. The couple have embryos from their earlier round of IVF with Lottie’s eggs and while going through the emotional process again feels somewhat daunting, it’s something they would love.
“We know Ted would be an amazing big brother, so who knows, maybe 2025 will bring a special little surprise? We’ve been through enough to know nothing is guaranteed, though, so for now, we’re just super grateful to have Ted. He’s everything we could ever want.”
Hair and makeup: Chay Roberts. Styling: Angela Stone. Ria wears Farmers, Tuesday label.
