Ten years ago, when I was pregnant, I sought homeopathic assistance with labour and childbirth. I didn't believe in homeopathy any more than I believed attending weekly "Pregnant Yoga" sessions, in which we were encouraged to imagine our bodies "opening up like a flower", would help with a process that, frankly, seemed thoroughly unnatural and improbable.
But since I was ostensibly aiming for a hippy-style natural birth (while secretly wishing for a nice easy C-section) I sought every alternative tool I could think of. As well as the homeopathy consultation and yoga sessions, I acquired a Swiss ball - and hired a portable birthing pool and a TENS machine. As it turned out I need not have bothered with any of the diligent preparation. My daughter was delivered swiftly and painlessly by emergency C-Section.
I still occasionally think of my failed attempt at natural childbirth and of the lovely young homeopath who was based somewhere in the vicinity of Grey Lynn. She furnished me with dozens of little white pills that I was supposed to put under my tongue as required during labour.
There were written instructions that went along the lines of: "If you feel pain take this remedy," "If you feel helpless take this one," "If you feel uncomfortable take this one," and "If you feel angry take the homeopathic remedy container and hurl it at your husband's head". (I'm joking about that last instruction.)
I think I took maybe two of the tiny pills before accepting what I'd suspected all along: that they're no match for the mammoth forces of labour. Of course, I'm not the first person to doubt the effectiveness of homeopathic remedies nor am I the first to wonder whether the entire industry is an orchestrated sham designed to mislead the guileless.