Secret agent not so smart

Stan the American Dad is ever alert to the terrorist threat.

Stan the CIA agent is the animated American Dad (last night, 10pm, TV3). He's a trifle paranoid, for a cartoon character. He shot up the toaster, to the exasperated chagrin of his long-suffering family. "It's just toast," said Hayley, his peacenik daughter. Stan said: "This time it's toast, Hayley. This time."

Stan's family must remain on high alert at all times because the country is on high alert. This is no joke. It is irritating. Hayley griped, "You and your CIA buddies have created a few little systems to keep the masses paralysed in fear."

Dad had news for daughter: "You like shaving your armpits, Hayley? Huh? Because if the terrorists take over this country that's the first thing to go."

All-American mom, Francine, nerd son, Steve, a lecherous goldfish and an alien called Roger complete the household. The goldfish used to be an Olympic skier "but the CIA replaced my brain with a goldfish".

"Well, what was I supposed to do," said Stan, "just let East Germany win that gold medal? Not on my watch."

Roger the alien rescued Stan from Area 51 in some yet to be explained incident, so he gets to live with the family. He has a serious weight problem and mom puts him on a diet. He whinges: "We can't all look like those anorexic aliens on the James Cameron movies." For some other yet to be explained reason, he is as camp as a row of tents. An alien with the mannerisms of a Queen has yet to be proved funny.

As did the first episode in which Stan rigged the school election so that Steve could be president and get to date a cheerleader.

All of which is a fairly thinly disguised excuse to have a go at the current state of paranoid American affairs. On the news the lead item was this: "The White House was stunned today when President Bush received a phone call from God himself." God was calling to ask the President if he could downplay their relationship a bit, at least in public. God gave an example: "like when you [said] God wanted me to be President."

This is pretty heavyhanded, but it might grow on me. There will have to be some better lines. I think we've got the idea that Stan's a plonker of a CIA agent without watching him at the dinner table enthusing over Francine's stew. "Great stew, Frannie. The peas are like floating survivors from a sunken beef ship."

But so far, it's just toast.