Samantha X: Sex expert reveals what its like to be the third in a threesome

'Couples that play together, stay together' according to former escort Samantha X. Photo / Supplied

Opinion

Ever wondered how it works when there's three in the bed? Resident sexpert Samantha X reveals how threesomes really play out.

Last week, I shattered your illusions by admitting the kind of action I got between the sheets as an escort was rather vanilla.

Now I am going to surprise you again.

When it comes to my own personal (non-existent) love life, I am extremely traditional. I've never been to a swingers club with my partners, would never have an open relationship and I can get jealous. One boyfriend worked that out when he made the mistake of gawping at a woman for about 45 seconds too long. I swiped his Prada sunnies off his face, snapped them in half and chucked them out of the (moving) car window.

But enough about me.

In my former years as an escort, I've met couples who are NOT the jealous type. Women who not only don't mind their husbands looking at other women but welcome a woman with open arms (and legs) into their marital bed.

I've met women who get turned on by watching their husbands have sex with other women.

If a wife didn't want to be there, Samantha X would turn the couple away. Photo / Supplied

And I've met women who have booked escorts for their husbands as a birthday gift.

I know this because I have been that other woman. And let me tell you, couples that play together, stay together.

A couple I've mentioned previously are Bob and Belinda, in their 50s, who have been together 17 years. Their secret — apart from not living together — is to book an escort to spend some time with every few months.

When I met them, they turned up beaming in their Sunday best, with chocolates and a bottle of non-alcoholic wine for me, with a little thankyou card.

Belinda did most of the talking. She admitted she loved Bob so much, seeing him turned on turned HER on.

They discovered escorts a year ago and didn't just go to bed with them, they felt they bonded with them.

"What was that name of that nice escort we met in Brisbane Bob? The one with the really big fake boobs. Oh she was a lovely girl, so well travelled …"

Their eyes would light up as they recounted each experience.

"We got to a stage in our relationship where our sex life was getting stale so we decided to have a threesome."

But why pay for an escort when you can meet someone in a bar or ask a girlfriend?

I read somewhere worrying an escort is going to steal your husband is like thinking a teacher wants to steal your kids.

It's a job, nothing more, nothing less. And when the escort leaves, she is not pining for your husband, trust me. She is thinking about what she is going to have for dinner or finally breaking wind after holding it in for a few hours. (Escorts fart too).

There is no emotional attachment and boundaries are firmly in place.

My questions would always be for the woman. What are your rules? What isn't allowed?

I would gauge from the woman whether it was her decision — or his. If it was his, I wouldn't agree to see them. The woman had to be the one in charge. If there was even a small glimmer, just a hint, that she was doing this for him, I'd be out.

Samantha X insists the couples she worked with found their relationships improved after having a threesome. Photo / Supplied

No escort would ever want to be in a bedroom with a wife who didn't want to be there. In fact, it goes the other way. The man is almost invisible (much to his relief, as the husbands are always petrified).

Another couple that stays in my mind is Barb and Linx from Perth. They came to me when their marriage was at stalemate. They had no idea how to fix it. The love was there but so was the complacency. They had three kids, busy jobs and no sex life.

They even admitted divorce was an option. Inviting a third party was a risk.

In my years as an escort, I met with them three times over three years. And the last time I saw them, they were like a brand new couple. The spark had come back.

They told me they had continued to see escorts together; they would make a night of it. They'd tell the kids they were off to date night. Dinner, drinks — and a hotel room. But it wasn't just female escorts, Linx wanted Barb to experience male escorts too.

Barb was like a new woman. She had shed her mumsy skin and I could tell she felt confident and sexy. Linx was just happy he had his wife back.

I've not met one couple where engaging a third party hasn't worked. I would go as far to say it has improved their relationship dramatically.

I also understand it is not everyone's cup of tea. I also get it's a risk. So it all comes down to preparation and planning.

For the husbands out there — be very careful how to word it to your wife. "I want to do this for you, I would love to see you with another woman," is better than scrolling through a website drooling saying, "I want that one …"

And wives, you take control. This is your party. You choose the lady, you be the contact, and you are the one to issue the rules and boundaries. If you're not happy, no one is happy.

As they say, happy wife, happy sex life.