Roll up! It's school fair time. A time when you're forced to bake cakes you don't want to bake and then buy other cakes you don't want to eat. You may be forced to run a tombola, whatever that is, or drive around collecting bric-a-brac, whatever that is. If the gala pays off, the school will finally be able to afford that hydroslide it's been fundraising for since the 80s, so incentive is high. Isn't it time we had better stalls that might actually bring in the cash? Here are some suggestions for a fait accompli.
Booze kiosk
It doesn't have to be sordid. We're all adults, except for all of these children running around getting off-brand tomato sauce on the coconut shy. And we all have an unopened bottle of something weirdly sticky we bought on holiday we'd be willing to donate. Some cheese pairing and a by-the-case discount could really pull in the punters — and keep them there until they're drunk enough to try the sausage sizzle. It's a win-win, unless they buy a raffle ticket.
Degustation tents
A 12-course meal served in tiny bites, it's ideal for an event at which all there is for adults to do is wander around a field looking for food. Each course served at a different tiny tasting tent, the degustation menu features the classic flavours of a school gala, only more expensive: candyfloss foam on a smear of yellow "mustard"; hot dog batter crumb with a face paint couli (non-toxic); thrice-cooked margarined white bread.
