Romance should be free. But how are young people making it work in a strained economy?
The cost of living is putting pressure on young people. How might it be affecting their approach to romance?
A bouquet of flowers at a reasonably priced dairy will set you back about $10. That’s about the cost of two big bottles of milk. Two Friday night movie tickets, a bucket of popcorn excluded, come to $51. Paying the same for gas will fill your tank with about 20 litres. A nice pour from a local wine bar could be anywhere from $12 to $20 – which could stretch to top-up transport cards to a number of daily commutes.
For some New Zealanders, comparing the prices for emblems of romance to the essentials will take the possibility of ‘date night’ off the table.
Over the last few years, the harsh effects of rising costs for our essentials have been well documented – we frequently see stories about the way inflation and inequality are affecting access to fruit and vegetables, butter, electricity and feasible living conditions, especially for those most vulnerable.
Then there’s the added impact of how these rising costs affect our social lives, and, in turn, the industries that exist to host them – think hospitality businesses and local retail.
On top of that, there’s the squeezed job market – Stats NZ says the number of jobs filled by 15-24-year-olds has fallen by 6% since last year. With all these financial pressures, some students have turned to protesting against rising rents.
While attempting to navigate this strain, it’s no surprise that the most vulnerable young people might feel the potentials and pleasures of romance are becoming a luxury
Holly, a 22-year-old student living in Tāmaki Makaurau , is one in this cohort who’s noted a strain between her finances and her dating life.
Each week, between her university studies and shifts at her two part-time jobs, she estimates spending between about 50 and 60 hours working. Rent, Holly says, takes up about two-thirds of her wage.
“It doesn’t leave much in the way of food and gas and having a relationship with my partner.”
Louise May, the national policy advisor for the Citizen Advice Bureau (CAB), says Holly’s worries are a common concern among the young people who come to them seeking advice. In March, the CAB launched a new online service (Youth Tool Kete) targeting young people, after noting this sense of precarity and a demand for direct resourcing.
In the year to June 2024, 1500 people under 30 contacted the CAB seeking advice related to financial hardship, says May. These enquiries included assistance with work and income benefits, requests for food parcels, emergency accommodation and budget and debt management, among other questions.
This is a 3.6% overall increase in enquiries for the age group compared to the last year. May says this is a fairly significant increase when compared to a 1% rise in CAB enquiries overall – and she’s not forecasting a turnaround.
“I expect it may increase over time, because this past year has captured some change that’s occurred more recently, such as increasing austerity in the whole area around benefits and also recent changes in the employment environment. I would expect to see these sorts of enquiries to keep on increasing and tracking up.”
May says that accommodation is one of the major costs impacting young people, highlighting the intersections that this tends to cover, including young people who have jobs, those in between employment, caring for children and living with chronic illness or disability.
“[Accomodation costs are] often mentioned by young clients when they’re seeking our help for general financial struggles they’re facing. They might not be coming to us specifically about their rental situation, but it will come up in the conversation as a cause of stress and burden.”
Electricity and utility bills are another point of stress, May says.
“Obviously, that’s hugely stressful, because it also tends to happen in wintertime when you need the electricity the most, it’s also putting their health at risk... When you see client cases like that from Dunedin in the middle of August, in the middle of winter, not being able to keep the heat on, that’s quite desperate.”
One of the most confronting trends May has tracked is the number of young people asking the CAB for assistance in withdrawing from their KiwiSaver accounts for hardship reasons. It’s something she noticed across other generations too, but she says it’s particularly disheartening when young people need to resort to this fund.
“They’re using the savings they’re going to need in their older age just so they can survive in the here and now. They’re having to rob from their future just to get by and just to pay basic bills. It just feels so tragic.”
Within the client consultations, in which a multiplicity of issues are covered, she’s also noted “a lot” of discussion about depression.
“It may be a pre-existing situation but when you look through their enquiries, you can really understand how their situation is contributing to their mental health struggles.”
Holly says that managing both her workload and finances can be overwhelming and that incoming costs are consistently at the forefront of her mind. She also notes that she has concerns about how the pressures are impacting her mental health.
Even when she tries to put these stresses aside and enjoy a bit of time out with her partner, she says financial concerns quickly rear their head again. She quickly becomes caught between this time to unwind and the need to budget for essentials.
“I’m like, if we go do this, am I going to be able to cover my gas? Am I going to be able to get groceries for the rest of the week? It’s hard to balance between, like, trying to prioritise your relationship and your ability to live.”
It’s a strain Holly has noticed amongst her peers too.
“I think especially for university students, it’s a really, really hard time to date. It becomes, not a chore, but an extra thing that you need to worry about. It becomes a financial burden, but for something that you want and love.”
This story is not unique to New Zealand – internationally, the media have covered the untenable costs of dating. These accounts range in their severity (largely due to the social class of those case studies), from cutting back on the cost of drinks to giving up on dating altogether.
Headlines include The Cost Of Living Crisis Has Ruined Our Loves Lives (Helen Coffer, The Independent), My Dates Aren’t Worth What They Cost (Daisy Schofield, Refinery 29), How Inflation And Loneliness Are Killing Gen Z’s Dating Game (Phil Rosen and Noah Sheidlower, Business Insider), Everything’s Bloody Expensive Today And That’s Affecting Our Romantic Relationships Too (Arman Khan, Vice), It’s Now 40% More Expensive to Be Single and Dating Than It Was a Decade Ago (Cady Lang, Time Magazine).
Budgeting is often proposed as a potential solution, along with catchy phrases like ‘eco-dating’ (walks in the park) and ‘infla-dating’ (finding alternatives to dinner-and-a-drink dates, like coffee, happy hours and picnics).
But Holly says these often aren’t helpful solutions, pointing to the time-poor status that often compounds with financial hardship. It all starts at the root, Holly says, of not having enough to cover those essential costs. This struggle for a sense of romance is not an isolated, simple budgeting issue – it’s symptomatic of wider, systemic financial hardship and stress.
“It’s affecting the young people with normal financial stuff, but that snowballs on everyone’s day-to-day and how things work within their lives,” says Holly.
It’s prevalent within her relationship too.
Holly says her situation has “created a dynamic where we’re more open in talking about our finances to each other. But it’s sort of in a negative light.”
To address the root causes of common financial stresses for young people, and those lacking support through the other vulnerabilities of their socio-economic positions, May says the CAB is looking at the policy areas that need greater attention.
This includes more protective rental policies for tenants, regulation for property managers and more comprehensive education about employment rights (as well as more targeted policies for those in even more vulnerable positions).
In the meantime, Holly is looking to the little things for those precious moments of romance. That includes quick runs to the supermarket to fulfil shared cravings with small treats or stopping by to say hello during break times at each other’s workplaces.
But, within the overwhelm, Holly says the little things “only go so far”.
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