Confession Box: Richie Hardcore
Richie Hardcore is an anti-violence campaigner and personal trainer.
LUST
When you speak to young people about sexual violence and self-esteem, what do they want from you?
Young people want to know about good sex. They don't know where to go for the information they need. We see
so much youth-on-youth sexual offending, teenagers raping each other. There is a lot of misogynistic messaging in mainstream music and some of the leading themes in pornography are stepmum or stepsister - that's messed up for young men to be masturbating to. We're teaching boys this is what to do and we're teaching girls this is what to expect. Don't get me wrong, I have been very promiscuous in my life and looking back, I did a lot of that for the wrong reasons. People use sex like drugs and alcohol, to feel good about themselves and to get away from themselves.
You don't drink or do drugs, you don't eat much meat, you are a clean-living person. What are your vices?
I work too much to avoid uncomfortable feelings I may not even realise I have until I pause. And then I'm like, "This feels horrible, I need to go and do some stuff." My relaxation is to go to the gym and do kickboxing. We're talking about going to Rarotonga next year, my girlfriend and my stepson and me - and I'm like, "Seven days is way too long! Rarotonga is tiny, let's go for four days." I don't want to lie on a beach that long, you know?
What are you trying to escape?
Right now, nothing in particular because I am really f***ing happy, like I haven't been this emotionally well for years. I had a real long patch of depression and anxiety and I had a lot of suicidal thoughts. I'd wake up at 2am, thinking about the same s*** over and over and over. I am a guy who didn't have any self-esteem and came from a dysfunctional family and I started to find validation through the things I achieved. People started liking me more when I was good at kickboxing or when I was doing a radio show. If your only pathway to happiness is through the things you achieve, that takes a toll on your wellbeing.
WRATH
Besides injustice, what makes you angry?
I have a deep wellspring of anger in me because I didn't have the easiest of childhoods and my internal programming is that when I am threatened, anger can be the best defence. I literally built a life for myself around combat sports. When I retired from the ring I continued to fight against a system in which so many women are victims of sexual violence, so many people are struggling with mental health. I know what it's like to be scared and feel alone. I am just one little guy in one little country but I try to use my anger to make a difference where I can. There's a lot to be angry about.
