Rich mean kids in SUVs

The cast of Laguna Beach like to go shopping.

MTV's reality series about teen life in paradise, Laguna Beach, hasn't become the network's latest hit because of all the interesting things that happen on it. Nothing even close to interesting happens.

One executive says the storytelling is "subtle" - a charitable way to refer to 30 minutes of gossip, shopping and backstabbing.

The show, which returns to C4 this week, specialises in the ums, likes and whatevers of teen politics. Its subjects are kids we all went to high school with, only richer and better-looking.

Now in its second season, Laguna Beach draws nearly four million viewers a week stateside. The show, however, is innovative in only one respect: reality TV has never looked this good.

On the show, Laguna Beach is an oceanfront Neverland where all the Lost Boys and Girls drive SUVs. There's no issue that can't be solved with a text message, and the tone is unusually chaste for the network that gave us Jackass. "When kids leave a party holding hands, we fade out and go to a commercial," says DiSanto. "There's something icky about cutting to an infrared shot of high-school kids in the bedroom."

Laguna Beach has its edges, though. Kristin Cavallari, 18, the show's queen bee, says she had to fill out a 20-page application form. She remembers only one question: "Name your five best friends and one thing you hate about them."

Storylines are edited so that each kid fits an archetype. You've met Kristin before - she's the Most Popular Girl in School. And like any self-respecting heartbreaker, she plans to dump us. Asked if she will return to Laguna Beach for a third season, Kristin says no. "I wanna move on, do bigger and better things, maybe movies," she says. "I don't wanna spend another year of my life on reality TV."

Maybe she's only teasing - it wouldn't be the first time.

* Laguna Beach 2 begins 8pm Wednesday on C4.