Rhonwyn Newson: I was the one crying it out

Have you tried the controversial 'cry it out' method? Photo / Thinkstock

I came across the theory of "crying it out" (CIO) not when I had my first baby, but as an eight-year-old, when my little sister was born.

It was all the rage back in the late 80s and my mum thought she would give it a try. Dr Richard Ferber said it worked wonders in his book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, and that was the child-rearing go to guide at the time.

So when my little sister was put down for a sleep and began grizzling, I would sit in the lounge with my parents and start thinking up excuses for leaving the room. As soon as the crying turned into something more than a grizzle, I would hastily, and somewhat sneakily, make my exit. Then, I would quietly go into my sister's room and pick her up out of her cot to make the crying stop.

Inevitably my mum would catch me and end up rocking the baby to sleep while I was told off and sent to bed myself.

Even at age eight, I couldn't stand the sound of a baby crying.

So when my first-born still didn't sleep through the night consistently after eight long months, I don't know why I ever thought the CIO technique would work for me.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I ran to her for every whimper, but there's a different sort of cry from the "I'm just having a moan, but I'm actually going back to sleep in a few seconds" cry to the "I'm pretty upset and need some attention now" cry.

A few of my coffee group friends had some success with the CIO technique and I was envious of their slumber-filled nights while I was still singing, rocking and yawning my way through mine.

My husband was all for the idea.

"You've got to be strong and not give in, Rhonwyn. Otherwise you undermine the whole exercise."

So, one night when I was feeling resolute, we did the usual night-time ritual and down she went for her sleep.

The idea behind CIO is that you go in and reassure the baby that you're still around, without too much interaction, every few minutes, increasing the time in between each visit.

Well, the first minute I sat waiting to go in to my crying child's bedroom felt like absolute torture. It felt like an eternity. I sat outside her room willing the second hand on my watch to go faster so that I could open the door and see my baby. By the time I was supposed to leave her for seven whole minutes I was in agony. I absolutely couldn't stand the sound of my child crying and not being able to pick her up and make it stop. So, with tears streaming down my face, I went into her room, picked her up and rocked her back to sleep. I spent the rest of the night in her room, feeling guilty that I'd put the two of us in that situation, and completing rendering any potential advances I'd made to that point completely pointless.

Here's the thing, though, I'm not necessarily against the idea of using the CIO technique.
Unlike Professor of psychology Dianna Kenny who said on TV3's 3D last night that leaving a child to cry it out can break the bond between parent and child - something she calls an "attachment rupture".

I think, for the most part, parents who sit outside their kid's rooms timing the minutes before they go in, or who research things like sleep techniques, are probably involved and conscientious parents.

The technique didn't work for me, but according to baby sleep consultant Emma Purdue, it has helped many families.

I'm sure some of my philosophies and ideas don't work for others. Sleep deprivation is hard. That's why it's used as a torture technique. Even so, the idea of not getting a full night's sleep for months on end is easier for me to cope with than the thought of listening to my baby cry without being able to console her.

I'm pleased to report that my now nearly five-year-old almost always sleeps through the night, and has done for years.