Trying to find someone who will give you everything you've believe your last partner didn't provide, is futile. Photo / 123RF
Trying to find someone who will give you everything you've believe your last partner didn't provide, is futile. Photo / 123RF
When it comes to dating and finding a life partner, many make the mistake of thinking it's a similar process regardless of their age.
But relationship expert and Perth's Millionaire Matchmaker, Louanne Ward, says this is absolutely not the case.
Here, Louanne offers advice for dating according to your age and her top tips for entering the dating pool and finding love in your 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s, reports Daily Mail.
Twenties
Louanne says this is a time when people need to avoid growing up too soon and attempting to 'recreate the stability of a relationship you may have missed out on' while growing up.
"Be safe, have fun but be open to the journey! Great places to connect are dating apps like Tinder and through your circle of friends and accept party invites and head out to popular night spots," Louanne told FEMAIL.
"If you are not too much into socialising try the gym, yoga classes, sporting events and through your job network."
Louanne said people in this age group should avoid getting "caught up in drama" and be sure to focus on their career while also making time for relationships.
"The 20s are the starting point to the foundations of how the rest of your dating life will be. If they are absent throughout these years, the trend is likely to follow and the excuses you give will continue as patterns," she said.
"Love hard, argue, behave poorly, be reckless, experience, discover, decide what feels right, know yourself and explore your sexuality. Don't suppress throughout these years, they are NEVER coming back. You cannot relive them, you won't look the same or talk, walk, act or love the same."
Where to go on dates?
"When you are going out on dates and meeting people for the first time don't do anything too intimate, instead try bars that aren't too noisy," Louanne said.
"Fun and light-hearted activities are always a smart choice, especially the kind where there is mutual interest, such as music or food/drink festivals, or something that raises your fun meter.
"Fun parks, ten pin bowling and anything that makes you laugh and releases oxytocin which is natures natural love hormone will naturally help you connect."
Thirties
"Dating in the 30s is when things start to get very real. In your 20s, you think you have all the time, but you hit 30 and now what?!" Louanne said.
Louanne says it's very important to avoid getting caught up in the fantasy that 'the one' is going to come along and "comparing" yourself to family and friends.
"The 30s are a very empowered time if you are single at 30, 31 and 32. It's fine to focus on career but not at the expense of what a relationship would mean to you," Louanne said.
"You can repress your desire to find a mate and replace with career aspirations, having fun and doing your own thing. Your married friends may often envy your freedom but deep down, if you hold out for too long, the FOMO will creep in."
Louanne also recommends being open-minded and not having an ever-growing list of needs and wants.
"Know yourself and go for what you want, but don't hold out for the perfect match, it only exists in your head of false fantasies," she said.
Louanne also says it's important to 'be careful of your language on dates' and to not get "too heavy too quick".
"Yes, we know you don't want to waste your time but asking your date if they want to have kids or where they see themselves in five years, on the first date. In most cases, this will scare them off," she said.
"Your 30s are the 'emergency decade', decide NOW what you want and make a plan to execute because there is nothing worse than getting to your 40s and feeling you have nothing to show."
Where to go on dates?
"Your pool of meeting through friends and work has gotten significantly smaller. You are over the nightlife so where to go?" Louanne said.
"Try online dating sites like Elite Singles, Bumble or matchmakers will match you with people who are also relationship ready. Do weekend activities and get out of the house.
"Doing things alone increases your chances to meet people, as well as social groups, dog parks, sporting clubs and venue openings.
"Practice date equality. Don't expect the man to always pay. No coffee dates! Instead, go for afternoon cocktails, film festivals or tapas meals. You need 2.5 hours to connect and always go on two dates."
Forties
Louanne said in your forties, you need to "accept dating has changed".
'If you have come out of a long relationship, you might be shocked at the changes technology has made to dating. It hasn't changed the way we love, just the way we date," Louanne said.
In this age group, Louanne recommends getting familiar with terms like "benching" and "ghosting" and understanding that "texting is likely to happen more than calling".
"Just never assume on something exclusive as sometimes people might be getting to know two to three people at a time," she added.
Louanne also recommends a makeover at this age to refresh your style and confidence.
"Hit the gym and lose a few kilos, it will raise your self-worth and give you more confidence to date. Look at what your wardrobe says about you! Give it a revamp," Louanne said,
"Don't go backwards by trying to relive your youth by dressing like when you were 25. Sort out your image!" She said.
It's also important not to set too high of a benchmark, with Louanne recommending those in their forties don't get stuck in the past.
"Trying to find someone who will give you everything you've believe your last partner didn't provide, is futile. Expecting people to jump through hoops is not realistic nor a pleasant experience for either party," she said.
Staying safe is also key, as well as avoiding jumping in too quickly.
"Remember, things have changed! Try to know as much about the person as possible, have a few phone conversations if you can first. Don't give out your address or surname," she said.
"It's easy to get carried away in the thrill of meeting someone new. There is often a lack of sex and intimacy towards the end of a relationship, so the sexual tension is on the surface.
"When you mistake lust for love, things can go horribly wrong and people get hurt. Take your time - relationships are easy to fall into but hard to get out of. Don't introduce kids too fast.
Where to go on dates?
"If you have come out of a relationship and just want to get out, have fun and get your mojo back, get onto Tinder, Cupid, Plenty of Fish or other free dating apps. For those a little more serious, try eHarmony," she said.
"Think about what you really like and go out and try something new. Nothing is more inspiring than going out and meeting someone while doing something that makes you happy.
"Seminars, workshops and self-mastery courses are a brilliant opportunity to learn more about yourself and connect with new people.
"When going on dates, remember it's good to stay safe but this doesn't mean the date has to be in a coffee shop.
"Coffee dates are business meetings and dates are not job interviews. Do things like going out to quaint wine bars or a place with a view so you have something to talk about."
No longer are you looking to set up house and raise a family, so why is your list of deserve level so skewed towards the must haves? Photo / 123RF
Fifties and beyond
It is now, Louanne says, that "things start to get really interesting".
"Deal with your s**t before venturing out to meet someone new. Any residual past hurts that have not been resolved will rear their ugly head no matter how long ago they happened," Louanne said.
"If you have past hurts or resentment, the dating world will add further kilos to the baggage - nobody is looking for excess baggage."
Louanne says it's important to not try and 'reclaim your youth' by acting like your in your 20s.
"There is nothing more unattractive than a 50+ trying to bust their moves on the dancefloor at one of the hippest clubs in town.
"You might feel young and/or look young, but this doesn't mean that you are nor does it mean you are entitled to date young," Louanne said, adding that a makeover is a good idea.
"Looking old and dusty is only going to attract old and dusty. Get your sexy back! The best little trick for this is to wear sexy underwear or lingerie nobody else might see, but it will raise your self-sexiness and make you feel more desired."
Louanne also says it's important to concentrate on "the needs of your heart" and not "superficial fantasies".
"Let's get real. No longer are you looking to set up house and raise a family, so why is your list of deserve level so skewed towards the must haves?" She said.
"As you get older (and hopefully wiser) having a partner who loves you and a companion who shares your interests and a mate who enjoys being with you, because you are you, is way more fulfilling than being on your own."
When it comes to kids, children are often a reality once you reach your 50s.
"The odds are tipped in the 'will have' not the 'might not'. Wherever you are placed over 50 just because your kids are grown up doesn't mean the potential of daters will also have grown children," Louanne explained.
"Yes, we know you have your bucket list of things you must do and children might get in the way, but ruling someone out because they have kids is dating suicide. Living in the future of the things you want to do will prevent you living in the now."
"Network, network, network! Get out and network! Meet up groups, charity events, expos, boat shows, art galleries, dancing classes and business events are great places to start," Louanne said.
"You can try online but keep your profile real. Do not misrepresent yourself and don't get your hopes too high that online will work.
"Instead, do fun things where you don't have an expectation of the outcome. That way, you can never have a negative outcome.
"On dates, always try to choose places where have shared interests - and put thought into the date. If you know the person you are meeting likes chocolate, go and have a dessert degustation!
"Do picnics, a walk on the beach, day trips to nature reserves, quaint restaurants and quirky cafes. Think outside of the box and you will stand out, plus it shows value and leaves your date wanting more."
