Radio stereotypes

A guide to who might be each music station's typical listener

The Edge and ZM: A teen to twenty-something female who's seriously considering getting her first piercing. When out drinking, she orders a Cosmopolitan because she saw it on Sex and the City. Secretly fancies Justin Timberlake.

The Rock: Teen to twentysomething male from West Auckland who drives a Holden and treasures his autographed Korn T-shirt. Never had a date but secretly fancies the girl at the lunch bar who looks a bit like Christina Aguilera.

Radio Hauraki: Older bogan - late twenties to thirties - who loves Led Zep. Works on building site or panelbeaters where he displays ample butt-cleavage. Will whistle at passing women if he thinks he can get away with it. Drinks Tui and secretly wishes he was Mikey Havoc.

bFM: Pierced and/or tattooed woman with a wardrobe full of op-shop clothes who lives in Kingsland or the back end of Grey Lynn. Drops "John Pilger" into conversation to demonstrate left-wing credentials and intelligence. Likes dance music, disdains most pop music, and has a more-alternative-than-thou attitude. Secretly fancies Hugh Sundae.

George FM: Twentysomething woman who loves nightclubbing, cafes and recreational drugs, and who has moved to Ponsonby from Parnell (because you can't hear George anywhere apart from the inner-city). Has been known to wear white jeans out at night and lapse into a Sowf London accent when intoxicated. Talks a lot about the fabulous minimalist apartment she's sharing. Secretly thinks Jeremy Newsboy Wells is to die for.

Channel Z: Twentysomething surfer who's considering moving out of Pt Chevalier and getting a place on the west coast. He's sensitive but masculine (likes Coldplay and Jack Johnson to "mellow out to"). Drives boy-racer car. Fancies Gwyneth Paltrow.

Mai FM: Brown-skinned or a genuine white homey who lives in South Auckland. Wears baggy trousers and expensive sports shoes. Favourite greeting is "waddup?" and has been known to lapse into an American accent when drunk.

More FM: Conservative mother-of-one in her late twenties whose idea of the perfect guy is Ronan Keating. She goes to the gym and enjoys a nice glass of white wine with dinner. Drives a sensible Japanese car and was engaged for three years before getting married.