KEY POINTS:
There's a battle going on upon the runways, both near and far. In one corner there are the romantics - designers doing dreamscapes filled with frothy fashion concoctions, complete with feathered hats, tiaras and maidens riding in on horse-drawn carriages.
In the other corner are the radicals - artists who are experimenting with fabric to come up with sartorial sculptures and weird and wonderful outfits that, if worn the wrong way, look more special needs than special. Which team will you be cheering for?
Find out with the following quiz.
1. The thought of wearing something that fashion editors would call "sculptural" fills you with:
a) Dread.
b) Joy.
c) Worry - because it's not very pretty.
d) Concern - about how to wear it.
2. When dressed up in your best designer gear you might be mistaken for:
a) A fashion model.
b) A fashion editor.
c) Someone who's just come from a fancy dress party.
d) A librarian.
3. Imagine you can wear any garment by any designer. Where in your wildest dreams do you imagine wearing it?
a) An art exhibition opening in New York.
b) On a romp through picture postcard fields of daisies in filtered sunlight, holding the hand of your loved one.
c) To the Academy Awards to accept your Oscar.
d) To a really fancy cocktail party.
4. A couple of seasons ago the trendsetting Parisian label Balenciaga made metallic gold leggings that looked like they'd come from the future. Or maybe Star Wars as they were nicknamed the C3PO leggings. Your thoughts on these $125,000 leggings?
a) How silly. Who'd wear those?
b) How amazing. The man's a genius.
c) How beautiful. They're all shiny.
d) Well, someone might like them - I can just see the Olsen twins in them.
5. You think the current trend for floral prints is:
a) Boring.
b) Adorable.
c) Easy to wear.
d) Just another trend and if it suits you, you'll wear it.
6. As a teenager you shocked your parents by:
a) Piercing your ears.
b) Getting a tattoo.
c) Dating unsuitable people.
d) Joining a punk band.
7. Consider the recent runway show by John Galliano What would you like to buy from this collection?
a) Everything, including the hats. It's gorgeous.
b) One of the wild dresses to wear to a ball or wedding.
c) The top that suits me best.
d) None of them. The pictures are pretty but I'm going to buy the perfume.
8. Which would you never wear?
a) Spots with stripes.
b) Red with pink.
c) Black on black on black.
d) Something boring.
9. If you could wear only one of the following local labels every day for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
a) Zambesi.
b) Cybele.
c) Trelise Cooper.
d) Country Road.
10. If you could wear only one of the following international labels every day for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
a) Viktor & Rolf, sweeties.
b) Dior, darlings.
c) Lanvin, ma cherie.
d) Calvin Klein, of course.
11. This winter there are a whole bunch of new trouser shapes vying to replace the skinny pants in your wardrobe. Which of the following will you consider trying?
a) Jodhpurs.
b) Harem pants.
c) Low-crotch baggy pantaloons.
d) Low-crotch baggy pantaloons that end at the knee.
12. Overseas designers have been making what fashion editors call "statement shoes" - wildly artistic shoes that call as much attention to your feet as a bright pink bustier with bunny ears calls to your Wonder Bra. How will you participate in this trend?
a) I'll get some bright orange ballet pumps.
b) I'll get some crazy shoes but only wear them to fashion events, where I don't have to walk about much.
c) I'll go for ladylike options rather than crazy ones you can't walk in.
d) I won't be.
Score
1. a) 2, b) 10, c), 8, d) 5.
2. a) 5, b) 10, c) 8, d) 2.
3. a) 10, b) 8, c) 6, d) 3.
4. a) 1, b) 12, c) 7, d) 6.
5.a)12, b) 8, c) 4, d) 2.
6. a) 6, b) 10, c) 3, d) 6.
7. a) 8, b) 6, c) 6, d) 2.
8. a) 5, b) 2, c) 8, d) 10.
9. a) 10, b) 6, c) 8, d) 1.
10. a) 12, b) 8, c) 6, d) 2.
11. a) 8, b) 6, c) 10, d) 12.
12. a) 6, b) 10, c) 7, d) 1.
100 to 130 = Radical
Hey, you must be an artist or some sort of bohemian. Or maybe you're one of those fashion editors who's always raving on about how the best clothes are like works of art and how nobody really understands you. Because you're radical, baby! If you have to, you'll wear a hat shaped like a ship, shoes you cannot walk in and a black dress with shoulders so wide they may prevent you from entering through small doorways. Best advice to you, my friend: keep on keeping on. If it suits you and you're carrying it off with confidence (and without any obvious fashion slavery) then just let your freak flag fly.
70 to 99 = Romantic
Your ideal fashion fantasy involves some sort of costume drama. You're the lusty milkmaid, dressed in frothy petticoats and a bonnet, and your beloved is a studly royal who whisks you away to a castle, then showers you with silks, satins, bejewelled heels and bonbons before thoroughly ravishing you. Don't let anyone take your dress-up chest away because sometimes the best clothes - the frocks that make your jaw drop and your wallet sigh - are the ones that tap straight into your dreams. Just make sure you're not wearing the whole lot at once lest you be mistaken for a time traveller or a large kindergarten child.
31 to 69 = Reality Chic
Yeah girl, you know how to work it. You'll take that bright fuchsia cape, thanks very much. But you'll leave the pink, plumed hat and the orange, strappy sandals. Instead you'll wear said cape with jeans and ankle boots. Because you know how to take clothes of all kinds, be they romantic or radical, and make them work even when you're picking the kids up from school. Good on you.
Zero to 30 = Conservative
There's nothing wrong with knowing your own limitations and tastes. But neither is there anything wrong with simply taking a few unusual outfits into the changing room next time you're at the shops. Might you be stuck in a rut? Might you have forgotten how much fun it was to play dress-up as a kid? And of the way different clothing makes you feel like a whole new person? Nobody says you have to buy those unusual items, the things you wouldn't normally contemplate wearing, if they don't look any good or if you feel uncomfortable in them. Might just be fun to try though, eh?
