From Holidaying Exes to Can’t Be In The Same Room Exes, here are some Ex types you might identify with. Photos / Getty Images
From Holidaying Exes to Can’t Be In The Same Room Exes, here are some Ex types you might identify with. Photos / Getty Images
Calling all Exes. Were you, only last weekend, at the wedding of an old thrice-married chum who was once married to you? Or are you more the sort of Ex who lets it be known that if Sam’s invited to the party you certainly won’t be coming? We all know which is the right-side-of-history answer in 2023, but not everyone fits into either the “happy co-parents” camp or the “listed under ‘b------’ in your contacts” sort of Ex. You do score points (no point pretending otherwise) for being civilised Exes who can happily be in the same room; even so, we don’t all move at the same pace, and not all of us has had the same time to adjust as, say, those exemplary Exes Camilla and Andrew Parker Bowles.
Here are some Ex types you might identify with.
Holidaying Exes
Gary Lineker and his ex-wife of seven years, Danielle Bux still enjoy holidaying together. Photo / Getty Images
All the way at the gold star end of the Exes spectrum are the Exes who actually holiday together. We’ve all been thinking about the logistics of this since we heard that Gary Lineker and his ex-wife of seven years, Danielle Bux, are currently soaking up the sun together in Ibiza. Obviously for this arrangement to be seemly there should be children involved (Danielle’s daughters in this case) but apparently the presence of current partners is not essential since Danielle’s husband (Gary is single) has stayed at home. Holiday time without the new plus-ones seems quite bold to most civilians, who associate a week in the sun with letting our hair down, overindulging in cocktails, wearing a lot less than we should and so forth. So extra respect to these two.
Rick Stein had a five-year affair with his now wife Sarah Stein. He still works with his former wife, Jill Stein. Photo / Getty Images
This one seems to work for several high-profile Exes and it makes sense given the powerful incentive of keeping the business going/cash flowing while allowing both parties to go their separate ways at 6pm. Abba did it; Fleetwood Mac beat them to it by a few years. More recently we have Rick and Jill Stein, who are still in business together; and Brad and Angelina (just kidding: she sold her half of their vineyard to someone else – have you not been paying attention? They’re Can’t Be In The Same Room Exes, plus a bit more).
Can’t Be In The Same Room Exes
Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner are a recent big split story in Hollywood. Photo / Getty Images
So many examples of this we don’t know which ones to pick. There are rumours about Tom and Nicole not wanting to risk bumping into each other (and therefore not both attending the Oscars) and we’re pretty sure Jerry Hall and Rupert Murdoch won’t be turning up at the same parties, but the one that’s piquing our interest is Kevin Costner and the Ex Mrs Costner. She’s doing it the old-fashioned way: half the dog, her side of the bed, and all the house (we can’t say we blame her).
Living Together Exes
Prince Andrew with his ex-wife Sarah Ferguson are said to be being 'nice for the girls'. Photo / Getty Images
One up from the couple who holiday together should be the couple who live under the same roof, which makes perfect sense if you are the Duke and Duchess of Rutland (see: keeping the business going) but otherwise what you gain in minimising disruption you lose in weirdness. Andy and Fergie’s arrangement should be rather sweet and “nice for the girls”, as they no doubt often say, but it’s just odd. Maybe it wouldn’t be if they were that bit older and one of them was infirm. Hard to say.
Invited To The Wedding Exes
Camilla and Andrew Parker Bowles are the fairy godparents of Wedding Exes. Photo / Getty Images
Would Frances Osborne have been at George Osborne’s wedding to Thea Rogers? Would Marina have been at Boris’s wedding to Carrie? Not a snowball’s chance in hell, and for the most part Exes are still the exception rather than the norm at the weddings of their Exes. What you require in an ex who is on the invitation list is the following: no hard feelings on both sides, plenty of water under the bridge, and a soon-to-be-spouse who genuinely sees the point of the Ex in question. A bona fide Wedding Ex is the one whose absence would seem peculiar. The fairy godparents of Wedding Exes are Camilla and Andrew Parker Bowles, and the most recent would have to be Martha Fiennes (sister of the actors) and Simon Finch. At their wedding the other weekend there were Exes on both sides, but while this says a lot about their characters it’s also no accident that he is 67 and she is 59. You need to be at least in your mid-50s to be a Wedding Ex.
Absolute Best Friend Exes
Hugh Grant and Elizabeth Hurley, pictured in 1994, are said to communicate consistently. Photo / Getty Images
Several degrees closer than Wedding Exes because they are genuinely each other’s BFs and there’s a very good chance they would be heavily consulted on the wedding arrangements, or the honeymoon, or loan the couple a house to stay in. Liz and Hugh – never married but a long-term couple – are the archetypal BFEs. We know that even though they’ve both had other serious relationships (Liz was married and Hugh is married) there isn’t a week that goes by without them communicating about everything (just guessing here) from Damian’s work prospects to Liz’s marmalade recipe. You could also put Gary and Danielle in this category – they’re pretty much interchangeable – and Gary has said of his Ex: “We’re best buddies and speak most days and [her husband] is a good friend of mine now.” So there you go.
Some wouldn't deny being the ex Mr or Mrs Gorgeous and Famous. Photo / Getty Images
If you have ever found yourself, to your horror, advertising someone’s Ex credentials (“She won’t tell you but she used to be married to that one in the Clash!”) you will appreciate that there’s sometimes kudos to being the ex Mr or Mrs Gorgeous and Famous. In the same way that women fall over themselves to deny Trump’s hints that they were one of the lucky women who took his fancy, they don’t rush to deny being married to Martin Amis or Mick Jagger, or having had a long-term thing with the then Prince Charles.
