KEY POINTS:
The woman behind the cafe counter looked incredulous. A salad sandwich without meat - it was as if I'd asked for troll on toast.
Then relief slid down her face as she realised she had the solution. She pointed to the chicken and salad sandwiches. Chook, it seems,
can magically morph from animal to vegetable when slapped between a couple of slices of Vogel's.
There was no point arguing; no point producing evidence that things with legs/fins/wings also have flesh. No doubt she'd been influenced by vegetarians buying her chicken and lettuce sarnies; those who tut-tut over chewing on chops but are happy to put away slabs of fish or chicken.
"Semi-vegetarian" was how someone who eats white meat once explained it to me. It was no explanation - you can't be a semi-vegetarian, just as you can't be a semi-virgin. Those who claim such status are the Bill Clintons of our time - they did not have culinary relations with that hamburger, just the chicken nuggets. Half-baked logic and another example of the trials facing the stalwart vegetarian.
There have been many other challenges over the years. Who'd have thought the simple act of choosing not to eat meat would produce such a smorgasbord of hassles?
Ever tried to find out whether there is fish stock, shrimp paste or oyster sauce in an Asian meal?
Ever tried to ascertain whether the cheese on pizzas is made with animal or vegetable rennet?
Or arrived at a restaurant to find nothing on the menu devoid of incinerated animal?
Not to forget my favourite: tofu noodles, which, when you get it home seem to be laced with something that once had a beak.
Every vegetarian has his or her horror stories, and plenty of them.
But some restaurants and cafes have become oases in our often herbivore-hostile city.
We've listed a few below - places, which although not vegetarian, recognise and cater for those of us who do not eat meat or meat products.
It makes good business sense for them to do so. We keep coming back and we spread the word. There's no marketing tool quite as powerful as a grateful vegetarian.
Geoff Scott, chef and owner of Vinnies in Auckland's Herne Bay, is adamant that restaurants should cater for vegetarians. For whatever reason - and there are a myriad - there has to be a minimum of one entree and one main course, he says.
He has one of each on his menu, but is happy to use other tricks to make sure customers have a good experience. He recently concocted a vegetarian tasting menu for a customer and he's not averse to taking on other culinary challenges based on diners' requests.
"From a commercial point of view, we would be doing ourselves a dis-service if we put up any resistance whatsoever," he says. "And if you make the effort they [diners] come back time and time again."
Why then do some food businesses seem to be stuck in a carnivorous time warp?
They are not helped by the likes of British chef du jaw Gordon Ramsay who, for the sake of telly ratings, has turned vegetarian-baiting into a blood sport.
He reportedly said it would be his worst nightmare if his children turned their backs on eating meat and he would electrocute them as punishment.
As his kids hurtle towards the interesting years I'm sure, like the rest of us, he's more worried about P than peas. But saying so would make him sound way too considered. And he has built his reputation on pulling stunts like putting chicken stock in food he served to vegetarians.
Part of the problem might also be New Zealand's pioneering and farming history. Our philosophy has always been if it moves, farm it - or shoot it. Then cook it. After all, a meal without meat is no meal at all.
A friend recently confessed that after a vegetarian meal I'd cooked many years ago, he'd rushed out to buy a meat pie. I suspect he wasn't hungry at all. He just thought he should be.
Today's city diners no longer expect meals where the dominating centrepiece is a lump of flesh. Some - even blokes for God's sake - want meals without meat.
Case in point: Vinnies' Geoff Scott says the truffle, (vegetarian rennet) ricotta and goat cheese tart has become one of his restaurant's most popular entrees, and that tells you something.
SAFE EATING IN RESTAURANTS
While allergy sufferers might feel eternally doomed to a miserable eating-out experience, things are starting to look up.
Because of a couple of factors, restaurants have begun to take allergies more seriously. Unfortunately one of those factors was the loss of a life - an Auckland man collapsed after eating an entree in a cafe and later died of a suspected food allergy.
Allergy New Zealand's allergy educator, Sara-Jane Murison, says that since this incident, organisations such as the Restaurant Association have been seeking more advice about food allergies and training staff to deal with them.
The second thing that is working in allergy-sufferers' favour is a move towards stricter labelling of food, including requiring allergens to be shown and a proposed food bill that would put more onus on food providers and preparers to look after the health of customers.
Allergy NZ offers several tips for eating out if you have allergies:
* Get a copy of the menu beforehand and talk to the maitre d' or chef a day or two before you eat at a restaurant.
* Go to the restaurant on one of the quieter days when you're likely to get more attention and staff have more time to take care with your meal. Also try to get the first sitting, when the kitchen and its utensils will be cleaner, reducing the chance of your food being cross-contaminated with allergens.
* Finding a good place to eat out is a matter of trial and error, and Allergy NZ doesn't endorse establishments because they often change management and the transient nature of staff means service and knowledge can vary.
I've always found Japanese cooking a good bet because of its emphasis on clean, fresh flavours, and you'll hardly ever encounter wheat or dairy. For Indian, you can't go past the Satya restaurants in Auckland - they make their own sauces without nasty additives and don't use ghee (clarified butter) in their cooking.
Mostly, though, you're on your own and have to be clear with staff about what you can't eat.
VEGE ROLL OF HONOUR
We've found the following businesses vege-friendly:
* At Banzai in Balmoral, the chef makes vegetarian miso soup on request. There's also vegetarian options on the menu, including tempura veges.
* Full marks to Yael Shochat, owner of Ima Cuisine in the central city. She knows exactly whether the cheeses she uses are vegetarian, has loads of vege options and even makes a completely vegetarian soup every day right down to the stock.
* When Geoff Scott (now at Vinnies) was at White, at the Hilton Auckland, he was happy to discuss vegetarian options and produced a fabulous degustation dinner in fine dining tradition. And at Vinnies, Scott has at least two non-meat items on his menu and is happy to accommodate vegetarians.
* At Delicious, Grey Lynn, staff were happy to pander to the Viva editor's no-cheese ways and would often make something special.
* Wagamama denotes vegetarian dishes on its menu with a V. Numbers 27 and 38 are office favourites.
* Herne Bay's Gannet Rock is only too pleased to provide mushrooms and/or tomatoes to replace the meat in the eggs benedict.
* Okra in Sandringham is worth a visit for its vegetarian big breakfast. Try it.
* And it almost goes without saying that vegetarians are always welcome in Indian joints. Almost too much choice for the vegetarian used to two options at most other places.