KEY POINTS:
Believe it or not, restaurant reviewers don't delight in being discontented. Rather, we embark on each new experience quietly praying it will be a good one. And we read each other's columns in search of reports of quality that we may, after a decent interval, sample ourselves.
This is why I found myself, with the Blonde and one of her mates, walking through the echoing, empty concourse of Milford Mall on a Wednesday evening. Pillini's had been well reviewed in a foodies' magazine - although quite when I don't know; the online review is undated - and so I hoped it might be that rare beast, a good suburban restaurant. Sigh.
The stylish 70s design (great lampshades!) looks very good but I am forced to conclude that Pillini's has either gone downhill since that complimentary write-up, or was having a particularly rugged night.
Certainly, our evening started badly when we decided to open the bottle of mineral water that was waiting on the table. We were well aware that it would mean another line item on the menu; normally we ask for the tap variety but the Blonde suggested we splash out. I was just filling the third glass when the waiter, who turned out to be co-owner Ben Pilley (real name Pillini), materialised at my elbow.
"That's $5, that bottle," he barked in a tone that was at once urgent and slightly scolding. "What the hell," I replied, although I felt slightly ruffled. If he thinks people won't know the water's not free, why does he engage in this kind of inertia selling, I wonder.
Ben turned out to be a pleasant enough fellow, stopping to chat frequently but not excessively, and to explain that his cauliflower ears are caused by Graeco-Roman wrestling and not rugby, which made sense because he's too trim to be a prop forward. But the food, the work of Ben's brother David, who has reportedly cooked at the excellent Prego, was only a notch above dire.
A Caesar salad was festooned with large, greasy croutons, and its generous five anchovies were in a single sad clump. A large whitebait fritter was bland and finding the whitebait, a fool's errand out of season perhaps, was a forensic challenge (the Blonde disputes this assessment and the Blonde is always right).
A bowl of spaghetti with an ordinary tomato sauce and a basil pesto tasted like the pasta had been cooked from parboiled (it was mushy and floury and, extraordinarily, cut into bite-size lengths, as if for a child).
My steak, though tender and tasty, was cooked beyond my very specific instructions.
The expensive desserts, a stodgy, vaguely lemon tart and some profiteroles into which cream had been inadequately injected, would not have been out of place at Cobb & Co.
To top it all off, they forgot the 10 per cent discount offered for booking online. But they didn't charge us for that water.
Pillini's does brunch and a range of pizzas with cute names such as The Codfather (for the marinara). These may be better than the evening a la carte. It is hard to imagine they would be worse.
Pillinis
Milford Shopping Mall, 24 Milford Rd
Ph: 489 3113
Open Monday 10am to 6pm, Tuesday to Friday 10am to late, weekends 9am to late.
Wine list: Adequate. Spectacularly mingy pours.
Vegetarians: A pasta dish and a pizza.
Watch out for: The $5 water.
Sound check: Conversation-friendly.
Bottom line: Maybe for brunch.
- Detours, HoS
