Stomach muscles, like late nights and lunchtime drinking, are never the same once you've passed a certain age.
But my lack of abdominal action isn't just affecting the way I look in a swimsuit, it's also complicating my back problems and causing a premature stoop.
A friend of mine who, despite having had two children has a bottom Kylie Minogue would be proud of, recommends Pilates, the twice-a-week regime she assures me is responsible for her fabulous figure. It's all the endorsement I need.
So one Wednesday afternoon I climb the stairs to Wellington's Pilates Studio, where the seriously toned Ali Townsend is waiting to realign me.
Having dabbled in yoga, I'm not a total novice when it comes to contorting my body into odd poses.
But my hour with Townsend teaches me that my core isn't nearly as strong as it should be, and that you don't have to break a sweat to feel toned, flexible and energised.
A former ballet dancer with the English National Ballet and London City Ballet, Townsend explains that Pilates is a physical fitness system that works the core muscles of the body while focusing on breathing, balance and muscle control.
"Pilates consists of a series of stretching and conditioning exercises that work the body's 'powerhouse' - the abdominal, back and pelvic muscles - as well as supporting the spine and improving posture, alignment and muscle tone."
And, if that's not enough to convince you, it's also one of the best ways to develop a decent six-pack.
Developed by Joseph Pilates during World War I, it was initially co-opted by ballet dancers.
But then word got out, and now everyone from Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna to the All Blacks and even John Cleese speak glowingly of its merits.
But can Pilates turn this sofa sloth into a toned tiger?
Townsend's studio is deceptive. On the one hand it's all flowing white curtains and gentle music and, on the other, it resembles a postmodern torture chamber filled with scary-looking contraptions.
Pilates can be done in two ways; using machines that are equipped with straps, pulleys and springs to facilitate muscle lengthening and strengthening or on the mat, equipment-free.
Being a newbie, Townsend suggests I lie on the mat, start sucking my belly button into my ribcage, and focusing on my pelvic floor muscle.
Anyone who has tried pilates will know that most of the exercises depend on developing an intimate relationship with the latter.
"It's an inner support system designed to achieve stability of the pelvis and spine, along with the important transversus abdominis muscles," she says.
We start with a series of exercises aimed at isolating and strengthening the latter, including lying on my back and with slow, calculated movements, peeling my spine off the floor, one vertebra at a time.
All the while I'm breathing slowly in through the nose and out through the mouth - inhaling to prepare for a move and exhaling on the actual exertion - a technique that maximises the expansion of the ribcage and the lower lungs, while maintaining a strong centre.
The mental energy required to remember it all is a bit much, and I commit the cardinal sin of holding my breath.
Townsend instructs me to draw my belly in, soften the spine and gently curl up into what is essentially a sit-up. For possibly the first time ever, I feel my rectus abdominals contract and know that I'm finally doing it right.
The only stumbling block are my hip flexors. As a runner, it appears that I've developed quite a set which tend to dominate when I attempt an exercise.
"Your hip flexors are stabilising the exercise, rather than letting your abdominals do the work," says Townsend, suggesting moves I can try at home to help reverse the trend.
Given my day job sees me stooped over a computer, my upper back is as weak as a newborn kitten, so Townsend leads me through a series of back extension exercises. I immediately feel stronger and am heartened by the fact that these exercises have the added bonus of working my glutes and, hopefully, paving the way to a more shapely butt.
Townsend first took up Pilates following a dancing injury and now leads the Royal New Zealand Ballet company through its weekly paces.
She teaches me that hip rolls aren't something to be done sloppily at the end of a workout and that it pays control where your legs go. She also shows me several variations on a theme; using bent, extended or alternate legs to up the ante - moves that have obviously contributed to her long, lean muscles that I jealously covet.
I'm strangely drawn to the cadillac, a machine I imagine a four-poster bed at Hugh Hefner's mansion might look like.
In response to my overly confident request for the toughest exercise, Townsend gets me to grab the steel bars and swing my legs on to the trapeze.
I curl up my hips, arch back into an upper body extension and let my head hang down. It's a move designed to elongate and strengthen the abdominal muscles, but all it does is hurt as my rings cut into my fingers.
So we try it again without the rings. Sadly, it's not much better and reveals how little upper body strength I have.
The cadillac aside, I'd expected Pilates to be a relaxing, navel-gazing session, but holding in your torso while simultaneously making slow, controlled moves and breathing correctly can be challenging.
The side effects aren't bad: a flatter stomach, no more wobbly bottom and thighs and an improved mental outlook.
Best of all, though, I almost float out of the studio feeling a bit taller - no mean feat when you're one of life's smaller people.
Pilates: Fit to the core
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