Has our social media obsession changed how we parent - and interact with our teens? Photo / Getty Images
Has our social media obsession changed how we parent - and interact with our teens? Photo / Getty Images
Parenting has become a more difficult job in the age of social media, but an Australian expert says we need to stop being so judgemental and having such high expectations of our kids.
Dr Justin Coulson is the father of six children - and recently a first-time grandfather.
Through his book, The Parenting Revolution: A Guide to Raising Resilient Kids, his role on Three’s Parental Guidance series, and founder of Happy Families network for parents, his expertise is sought after for managing kids of all ages.
Speaking to Francesca Rudkin and Louise Ayrey on The Little Things, the Herald’s wellbeing and lifestyle podcast, Coulson said a shift towards an individualistic, competitive approach has re-shaped parenting.
“What social media has created is an opportunity for us to become increasingly judgmental. It started with the mummy blogs in the early 2000s, and then what happened is we moved from Blogspot into things like Instagram, and we fetishised and intensified everything to do with parenting.”
Dr Justin Coulson is a parenting expert, best-selling author and the parent of six daughters.
Coulson said this has not only led to a meritocratic approach to parenting, but an influx of useless parenting advice, which he is experiencing now his eldest daughter has a child.
“She sent me a TikTok where the latest TikTok trend is when your baby is crying, you chuck a slice of cheese on their head and apparently it stops them crying instantly.
“Now it makes for some really entertaining videos. I’m not going to lie about it, but what’s going on with parenting that this stuff is going viral and that people are actually thinking that this is a reasonable parenting strategy.”
This competitive side of parenting is seeing parents put more and more high expectations on their children. Coulson said whenever he hosts a conference, he asks parents if they want their kids to achieve their potential. Every person always says yes, but Coulson said we can’t expect that to happen when they are teenagers.
“I just read a study in the last couple of days that highlighted that kids who go to high-achieving schools are six to seven times more likely to experience anxiety and depression than kids who go to schools that are not known as high-achieving schools.
“We’ve got so much potential in so many different areas and this idea that our kids are going to achieve their potential while they’re still in high school, like, give me a break. What are we doing to our kids, honestly?”
He also wants parents of teenagers to accept their children are often more prepared for adulthood than the parents are themselves, and holding kids back based on parents’ own concerns and fears for them is more damaging in the long run.
“When we send a message of incompetence, when kids feel incompetent, what happens is their motivation goes down, their wellbeing goes down. Alternatively, they just get really sneaky, and we lose trust, we lose the relationship.
“They’re supposed to develop and they will. And just trust the process that humans have been doing this for billions of years. Just let it happen.”
Listen to the full episode of The Little Things for more tips, advice and analysis from Dr Justin Coulson on raising teens.
The Little Things is available on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. The series is hosted by broadcaster Francesca Rudkin and health researcher Louise Ayrey. New episodes are available every Saturday.
