Oysters, crabcakes and drinks: The dos and don’ts of dining on a first date

How many oysters are acceptable to eat on a first date? Photo / 123RF

It is a question that not everyone has had to grapple with of late, if ever: how many oysters is it acceptable to eat on a date?

Recently, for one young woman in Atlanta, Georgia, the answer was 48. According to her testimony on TikTok, she went to Fontaine’s Oyster Bar, a local favourite, which she asserted had the “best f***ing oysters in the land”, where she proceeded to order and noisily slurp four dozen of the things. Evidently, there is a limit to the aphrodisiac effect they can have. After the fourth tray came out, her date excused himself to go to the bathroom and never returned, leaving her with the bill for $185 (NZ$317). On top of the 48 bivalves, she had potatoes, crabcakes and several drinks. He had barely finished his first.

After the fourth tray came out, her date excused himself to go to the bathroom and never returned, leaving her with the bill. Photo / Tiktok, @EquanaB

Interviewed after the event, the manager of Fontaine’s said that the quantity was nothing new. But at the time of writing, the video has been viewed more than five million times and attracted 25,000 comments.

You can see why. It poses enough dilemmas to occupy a university symposium or at least an hour of radio presented by Melvyn Bragg. In America, is leaving an $11 (NZ$19) tip, as the woman did, tantamount to setting fire to the place on the way out?

Is the host of a date, in this case a straight man, obliged to pick up the tab, regardless of the gluttony on display? Is it objectively disgusting to eat 48 oysters before the person across from you has started? How does society treat a woman eating 48 oysters differently from how it would a man? You can imagine a kind of Rabelaisian glee to a couple of well-rounded male barristers splitting 100 oysters, but I’m not sure gender equality is there yet.

Manners around eating are as much a part of courtship as the choice of food. Photo / 123RF

Vital spaces

More than anything, Fontaine’s incident serves to show that the manners around eating are as much a part of courtship as the choice of food. While it’s probably a good idea to avoid anything too slurpy, squishy or splashy, you can tell more about something from how it eats than what it eats. This is why restaurants are vital as public spaces where you can sense how a possible partner behaves in society. When the French subsidise eating out, they are fuelling their reputation for romance as much as supporting local businesses.

You can’t tell much about someone from how they eat their Deliveroo noodles, or how they serve food in the comfort of their own home. From a restaurant you can tell how they see themselves, how seriously they treat the date, how picky they are, whether they favour small plates or natural wine or a charming bistro, how they treat the staff, whether they can measure their pace to yours, or if they would rather go ahead and prioritise their own pleasure.

From a restaurant you can tell how your date sees themselves, treats the staff, values the date and more. Photo / 123RF

A restaurant meal is a delicate little tango of consumption, punctuated by moments of joy and disappointment, which often ends up being more expensive than you think: what could be a better metaphor for romance?

Better to find out someone is a slurper sooner, rather than later.