Out of whack

What I need in my life is relentless positivity. Photo / Thinkstock

I can't put a finger on the exact moment, but at some stage across the Anzac weekend to end all Anzac weekends, I went full poppy and suddenly realised that I was taking life far too seriously. Or, to put it another way: the one thing I wasn't taking seriously enough was remembering that life should be fun.

To be fair, I think by the time the Last Post was playing for the umpteenth time on Anzac Weekend, I probably wasn't the only one feeling this way. But when I sat myself down to pull myself together, however, I realised it wasn't just Anzac overload that was sucking the joy from my world; this was a self-fulfilling situation that needed to stop.

Work, I realised, was the main culprit; and when what you're doing for a living is taking away the fun of living, then it is a problem that must be dealt with. Heck, even the stupid comments about this column were starting to get under my skin. That shouldn't happen; life shouldn't be influenced by what random people with fake names think.

(Side note #1: to all those science geeks out here who kindly wrote in to tell me I was an advocate for a return to the Dark Ages, maybe something else the Large Hadron Collider can do is teach science geeks to recognise when someone is taking the piss. You don't have to like it, just identify it for what it is. Mentioning Paul Henry in relation to infinite universes wasn't enough of a clue?)

Clearly something is well out of whack, in terms of my life's fun/serious balance at this present point of time and, to cure this situation, what I need in my life is relentless positivity. Well, maybe not "relentless" positivity because that sounds very tiring after a while. Also probably quite annoying. And not very New Zealand.

No, what I need in my life is an amount of positivity in my life that is acceptable to me and everyone around me, without me appearing like a grinning loon.

And when I say positivity, I mean just enough to appear upbeat and on to it, without coming across like someone from an advertorial for fitness supplements.

Having identified a problem in my world (i.e. too much seriousness), and with a desired end result in sight (i.e. more fun) the next step is to go after it, like our Prime Minister goes after a tantalising ponytail. The missing link, of course, is: how? (Side note #2: just what are the rules on acceptable hair-touching these days? If I feel like horsing around by squeezing the next stupid hipster man-bun I see and shouting "honk honk!" is that okay? Just a bit of therapeutic fun; no drama.)

As one does in these troubled times, I have turned to the internet to guide me. This may not be the wisest thing I have ever done, as amid the oodles of pseudo-psychobabble the internet oozes, the most tangible suggestions I have stumbled upon are: practise mental quiet; take up skateboarding; visit a petting zoo; and going for a walk if I feel like harming myself. I don't feel like harming myself but yes, I will go for that walk; and possibly that walk might take me to a petting zoo but I seriously doubt it. As for the skate-boarding thing, I am a middle-aged man so that can only lead to ridicule and multiple fractures.

The mental quiet thing is interesting to me, however, in that it kind of brings the discussion all the way back to World War I and Anzac Day, where all this self-awareness nonsense started. Maybe the brain is like the Western Front, where the forces of Serious and the forces of Fun are dug in, in their opposing trenches. And for long periods of time, just like WWI, nothing much happens and everything is in balance.

But then some idiotic order to attack comes through from HQ and the Serious mob go over the top and, for a while, storm the trenches of Fun. Suddenly everything is out of whack - and also rather dull and depressing, as the forces of Fun retreat. The trick, then, is to get the Fun guys back in the trenches where they belong, and getting things back to the nice quiet state where everything is in order. Mental quiet, yeah, I can see that.

We should be serious, because many things in life demand that we should be - at least to the point of responsibility. But beyond that, if we can't have a laugh and enjoy whatever it is we're doing at any given time, then something is very wrong, right? Because fun is good; which I guess is why they call it fun.

Good talk, James.

- Canvas