Without consulting them, a couple’s son agreed to a plan to have his parents split the costs of a lavish wedding with his future in-laws.
Q: Our son and his fiancée, both 24, are getting married next summer. The bride’s mother has commandeered the planning. When the kids express an opinion, she gets huffy and overrules them. Early on, she asked my son, “Are your parents splitting the cost of the wedding with us?” Flustered, he said yes. But no one told us! Now, the mother of the bride has planned an extravagant affair and sent us a spreadsheet with “our share” of the costs. We can’t afford it. I think she is way off base. My wife wants us to take out a loan. Your thoughts? - Father of the groom
A: No question, the bride’s mother comes off poorly here. No one likes a bossy wedding planner. But it’s your son who takes the cake! Why on earth would he commit you to paying half the (unknown) costs of a wedding and not tell you? I understand being intimidated in the moment, but he’s probably had months to straighten this out.
I sympathise with your wife’s impulse to make good on your son’s promise, but I beg you: No loans! Incurring thousands of dollars of debt for a lavish party you can’t afford is unwise and may even jeopardise your financial security. Before you do anything else, decide with your wife the amount you can comfortably contribute to the wedding (if any).
Then go to the bride’s parents — with your son. Tell them you learned only recently of his commitment on your behalf, but unfortunately you can’t afford it. Share the amount you can contribute. Hopefully, there is time yet to modify or cancel plans. Do this quickly: If the bride’s parents reasonably believed your son was acting as your agent, you (and he) have a duty to mitigate as many of the resulting costs as possible. Still, this aggravation may be worth it if your son learns the important lesson here: Never spend other people’s money!