This article was one of our best read stories of 2022.
OPINION:
With 5.6 sheep per person in the land of the long white cloud, you would think Kiwis would stick together.
But you would be wrong.
After a lot of research (me moving from Dunedin to Auckland), I have learned it's not just a huge stretch of water that separates the North Island from the South, it's also a whole lot of lingo.
South Islanders are known for rolling their Rs, their long-standing dislike for Aucklanders - also known as Jafas, and the men are notorious for drinking Speights while wearing Stubbies, merino socks and work boots - but there is so much more to South Islanders than meets the eye.
So from crib to cream freeze and all the scarfies in between here is all the lingo that makes the South Island unique.
A-Z of South Island lingo:
Known as a funnel in the North Island, the beer bong is a quick way to guzzle an alcoholic drink of your choice and to create one you'll only need three things, a piece of hose, duct tape and a funnel. Tape the hose to the funnel and you're good to go.
But while the beer bong is a mighty example of Kiwi ingenuity, it's also a weapon of mass drunkenness so always approach it with your most sensible drinking hat on.
The North Islanders know it as luncheon but down in the south, it's referred to as belgium or belgium sausage. The hunk of processed meat is great for a quick on-the-go sammy but if you're feeling peckish and can't find any desirable snacks in the fridge it's great for that as well.
To North Islanders, this is known as a bach but to us South Islanders, crib is the proper name for the place where all the best holidays take place. It's usually a tiny house that smells of the 70s and has old-school décor like a landline and an oven that barely works but no one cares because it's the crib!
Alternatively: A crib can be a big mansion in Queenstown that your parents spent all their savings on even though they only go there three times a year. Lush.
Also known as Southland sushi, this glorious morsel of white bread and cheesy filling is the ultimate morning tea treat. Sure, the North Island has tried to steal it in recent years but the cheese roll will always belong to the South Island.
As a kid you could guarantee mum would have a few bags of cheese rolls in the freezer that she bought from a fundraiser for $4 a bag and anytime she couldn't be bothered cooking she would toast them up as a side to your favourite winter soup.
Also known as a soft serve, a cream freeze is the ultimate summer treat. Usually served by Mr Whippy on a warm summer night, a cream freeze takes away all your problems for a good five minutes.
If you're a bit of a wild child you can add sprinkles or a flake to the yummy ice cream.
There has been a lot of debate about this one and we have decided it's both a South and North Island thing but there are some Kiwis who know the gravel road as a metal or shingle road as well.
A gravel road is an unsealed road usually in the wop wops surrounded by sheep and cows. When you drive over them it creates a huge cloud of dust but don't be fooled, while it might look awesome, it makes your car super dirty.
I'll give you a hint… it's something to do with cleaning.
No takers? Okay, it's a vacuum. No one knows where or why or how it ended up being called a lux but the South Islanders love to refer to their vacuum as a lux.
If you've ever spent more than five minutes in a car with a bogan or a boy racer chances are you've done a mainy. The South Island has lots of space and not a lot of cool things to do so the locals make their own fun which can sometimes include driving around the main streets of town in your sick car with your best mates.
Bonus points if it's a manual car.
The red card party is a scarfie exclusive. The flats might be grotty but the students don't care because they're the best place for a shindig. In a flat, each person has a theoretical red card they can use at any time during the uni year.
When a person pulls their red card, it's party time. The flattie picks a theme and a set of rules for the party and under no circumstances can any member of the flat skip the soirée.
If you ever had the pleasure of attending the University of Otago you would have been referred to as a "scarfie" by the locals. Dunedin is known for its 10 out of 10 party culture but it's also known for its bone-chilling winters.
Scarfie came about when the North Island students would come to Dunedin for the cooler semesters and wear huge scarves to keep themselves warm.
North Island folk refer to these as slides but in the dirty south, we call them scuffs. The slide-on shoes are usually adidas brand and in summer you wear them with bare feet but in winter when it's a bit cooler you'll see a lot of tradies wearing them with a pair of merino wool socks.
Also known as a jumper, South Islanders have a habit of calling these warm and cosy pieces of clothing a sweater.
If you've never been to a tearoom, you are missing out on the best slice of cake and cuppa of your life. The tearoom is basically a café in a small town. It's got an old person smell to it and you can bet your last dollar that the owners know every single person who walks through the door.
The tearooms are jam-packed at morning tea time with locals grabbing their favourite combo which could be any of the following: cheese roll and a coffee, lamington and a tea or a milkshake and a jam and cream pikelet.
The Zoo - also known as the Mitre10 stand, is a stand at Forsyth Bar Stadium that originated at the iconic Carisbrook Stadium. Its hilarious name is pretty self-explanatory because it's full of wild animals - okay, they're just students but you can't be too sure.
The stand is full of people between the ages of 18-25 who just want to have a bit of fun. With KFC buckets being passed around, people donning Highlanders’ onesies - courtesy of Speights - and a whole lot of face paint, watching a Highlanders game in the Zoo is the most fun you’ll ever have at a rugby game.
Relationship expert Nic Beets shares his insights – and four Kiwis share their stories.