Newly single Taylor Swift and ex Joe Alwyn in October 2019. Photo / Getty Images
Newly single Taylor Swift and ex Joe Alwyn in October 2019. Photo / Getty Images
Opinion by Shane Watson
OPINION:
No need to tell you this, but the nation’s number-one favourite sport after Spot the Pillock and Support the Underdog is, of course, Fantasy Dating.
We do it in our own lives a lot. We will quite often find ourselves being served by a particularly considerate young man ina wine shop/a lovely assistant at the opticians, and wish they could somehow meet our niece/stepson and live happily ever after. And then we like to play Fantasy Celebrity Dating.
We’re not always spot on – back in the day we used to dream of Kate Moss getting back together with Johnny Depp and that was wrong – but generally our pairings are roughly 99 per cent more likely to succeed and make those involved happier than anything the celeb dating site Raya could rustle up. We’re talking to you, Taylor Swift.
It all boils down to a few strategies (feel free to apply them to your own love search; we’re pretty proud of them).
Jimmy Connors and Chris Evert at Wimbledon in July 1974. Photo / Getty Images
We all remember the thrill of Jimmy Connors getting engaged to Chris Evert in 1974 and that being so right because they were both Wimbledon champions! They could dance the first dance together at the Wimbledon ball looking like Tennis Barbie and Ken! Well that engagement didn’t last, but the theory – go for what you know, and someone with whom you have a very great deal in common – often pays off.
Brand new entries to the GFTO pool are Florence Pugh and Andrew Garfield, currently filming We Live In Time together. Pictures from the set suggest they are getting on like a house on fire but then they are acting, or are they? Who cares, we can see it. He’s slightly dorky and her ex, Zach Braff, was supremely dorky. Anyway, it’s lighting up our fantasy date-ometer.
Do you make each other laugh?
Paul Mescal and Jodie Comer's fans claim they would make 'perfect couple' as stars pose together at Olivier Awards https://t.co/3mz3cejZD5
— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) April 3, 2023
Lots of murmuring on Twitter post-Olivier Awards about the chemistry between Paul Mescal and Jodie Comer. While we’d like to be clear that two attractive young people can enjoy each other’s company without us rushing to conclusions, these happen to be the two hottest actors of the moment, at least one of them is single, neither of them has a rod up their behind, and yes, they were hooting on the night.
Not doing that tinkly sexy laughter but snorting and doubling over which, as everyone in Normals world knows, is the best sign of mutual compatibility. Also Comer’s current beau (at the time of going to press) is an American professional lacrosse player and we’re just not getting enough common ground there. Mescal can do the fit bit and the fun bit… pay attention please.
Think outside the box/age preference
Leo DiCaprio realising his penchant for younger women has become a PR nightmare. Possibly. Photo / Netflix
It’s well known that Leonardo DiCaprio has got himself in a dating hole and rumours that he may be kindling something with Maya Jama, the Love Island presenter (he’s 48; she’s 28), are doing nothing to help his rep.
That said, what we’re looking at here is not Dirty Old Man Leo so much as Trapped In A Pattern Leo and someone who very much needs to consider women outside his current comfort zone. So how about Reese Witherspoon? Back on the market, super successful (none of that gold-digging angst), very much local (avoid that red-eye commute) and just the one year younger?
Make use of new opportunities
Sam Claflin, relationship status unknown. Photo / Amazon Prime
Sam Claflin may or may not be dating a model we haven’t heard of, to which we say – why bother to learn the guitar and get yourself a starring role in the hit TV series of the hour, Daisy Jones and The Six, if not to then cast your net into the rock ‘n’ roll pool and swim among the cool people?
What about fellow Brit Florence Welch (who also looks like Daisy)? She was previously dating a literary agent and we suspect would not be remotely up for this, but we can dream. The Daisy Jones and The Six album is – Monkees style – doing very well so we could be talking Nicks and Buckingham-style opportunities.
Go home
Colin Farrell, very much channelling post-breakup energy in The Banshees of Inisherin.
Colin Farrell has reportedly split from his girlfriend of five years, Kelly McNamara, who works as a PA for U2 guitarist Edge, so let’s cut straight to Colin and Irish screenwriter Sharon Horgan. Why not?
If nothing else, it’s a terrific premise for her next series. Successful metropolitan media woman returns to rural Ireland and finds a black-eyed rogue who teaches her something about life she has forgotten – sort of The Horse Whisperer, but with gags and Guinness (Guinness 0.0 for Colin).
