Online liasons

Kerrie Pihema says trails left on the internet are a godsend. Photo / Getty Images

The rise of technology been a boon - and a curse - to the unfaithful and the suspicious. The internet has dating sites specialising in infidelity, and online retailers advertise the sale of GPS transponders that can track cars bound for illicit rendezvous.

"Technology-we're talking about the computer and the cellphone - is providing a new means for relationships and a new way for people to get into behaviour that leads to infidelity," says Cary Hayward of Relationship Services NZ.

Facebook now figures in 20 per cent of divorce litigation cases in the United Kingdom, and even in 2002 -when the internet was a sideshow and not the society-dominating force it is today - internet dating was referenced in one-third of divorce hearings.

Hayward says the figure here is probably a touch lower than these overseas jurisdictions, but still significant. A Waikato University study in 2002 found a quarter of those involved in online dating were doing it behind their partner's back and many - women in particular - received approaches from married men.

Private investigator Kerrie Pihema, a specialist in infidelity, says trails left on the internet are a godsend. "Facebook is looking at its privacy issues, but from a PI perspective it's made things a lot easier. People like to talk about themselves online, and you can track that." But she warns there are not only adulterous Lotharios online. Variants of the Nigerian banking scams have migrated to dating websites. "At least once a month I take a call from someone who has given thousands of dollars away to someone overseas professing their love."

Such scammers educate themselves about their marks, she says. "If you say you love animals somewhere online, they'll also pitch themselves as an animal lover. They're predatory."

A recent case involved a woman sending $60,000-and if the cash has gone overseas, there's no real chance of recovery or prosecution.

Despite the possibility of moral panic, online dating is often a symptom, not the cause, of a rocky relationship.

As Sally, a woman interviewed for the Waikato study, says: "I warn all the married people that if their partners spend lots of time online at night, they're probably online dating and getting into mischief.

"[But] people too often blame the net when it's about a marriage that isn't working," she says.

"You don't want to spend hours online with others if you're happy in your relationship."