KEY POINTS:
Herald Rating: 3/5
People talk in a patronising way about them: Oh, it's very good, they say, for a suburban restaurant.
What on earth is a suburban restaurant?
Is it location? So Vinnies is a suburban restaurant? Prices? In some eateries east of Newmarket the prices would make M. Antoine du Parnell blush.
Menu? Since food became the new sex, every back-street kitchen commando calls himself "chef" and has the strut to match.
The Fragrant Bridget (she insists on three capital letters these days. I must stop creating these media dahlings. They are taking over my column) had never been to One Tree Grill. I got out the map book and explained where Greenwoods Corner was, and we set off.
OTG cuisine is Pacific Rim. For me Pacific Rim is so ... well, last millennium. Haven't we moved through Contemporary Tuscan and Rediscovered Moroccan? (As an aside, I am thinking of publishing these essays. The working title is Pide Goes Before A Falafel.)
Pac-Rim has become the Jackson Pollock of cuisine. Often it's abstract expressionism by the chef at the diner's - literal - expense. Sometimes it's a splatter painting.
Bridget and I began with a tasting platter. This should be an overture, a Tchaikovsky or W.S. Gilbert tune that you can whistle: "I am the very model of a modern sashimi timbale," that kind of thing.
There were a couple of lamb chops and some venison which had shaken hands with grated beetroot, walnuts and pomegranate molasses. If I was happy (I could base a lifelong relationship on a bottle of pomegranate molasses) Bridget was ecstatic.
Bridget won the oysters, which had toddled over from Clevedon to make friends with prosciutto, shallots, cab-sav vinegar and Worcestershire sauce. "Bitter," she said, and we puzzled which of the announced ingredients made them so.
We chose lamb (a word on price - mains are under $30). Bridget, braised shank with parmesan mash and tomato compote. Almost divine, she said, an Asian-inspired sauce clashed with a Mother Country meal.
Pistachio and Dijon crusted rack for me, with nicoise-stuffed aubergine cannelloni. The cannelloni was where I parted company with whoever wrote the menu.
From Arles to Athens no one has ever thought it was a good idea to ram olives up pasta, jam it with eggplant and charge Zeus knows how many euros. Besides, the meat was overcooked. Gentle, gentle with lamb racks, please.
Food service was immaculate but when a restaurant offers such a bewildering array - 16 pages, bottles from $36 to $1350 - I'd have liked to chat with a sommelier rather than rely on printed matches or generalised tasting notes.
Isabel Pinot Noir 02 seemed a safe bet so we hung in there.
Across three flavours of sorbet (lemon, strawberry, nectarine), we kicked our thoughts around.
"The locals like the place," Bridget said, "and I wanted to come because I'd read so much about it. I'm happy now."
Address: 9 Pah Rd
Phone: (09) 625 6407
Open: Lunch Mon-Fri from 11.30am, dinner Mon-Sat from 5pm
Cuisine: Pacific Rim
From the menu: Sashimi timbale, umeboshi dressing, pickled cucumber, crisp lotus root $17.50
Vegetarian: and gluten-free choices
Wine: 16 pages from $36-$1350
