One Day You’ll Thank Me: Kiwi singer Mel Parsons on concealing her pregnancy and raising three kids under four

Singer Mel Parsons has continued touring and making music while raising three kids close in age. Photo / Supplied

Welcome to season four of the Herald’s parenting podcast: One Day You’ll Thank Me. Join parents and hosts Jenni Mortimer and Rebecca Haszard as they navigate the challenges and triumphs of parenting today with help from experts and well-known mums and dads from across Aotearoa.

Want to get in touch with the podcast? Email the team at odytm@nzme.co.nz.

Kiwi singer-songwriter Mel Parsons is a literal rock star mum. When she’s not beyond busy raising three children under the age of four, she’s touring the country performing her soulful music, including her most recent Tiny Days, an ode to the challenges of being a working parent.

And while Parsons tells the hosts of One Day You’ll Thank Me the juggle of being a travelling musician and a mum isn’t easy, she says it’s not helped by the fact that there are some archaic gender tropes still experienced by working mothers.

When Parsons fell pregnant with her first child, she says she “essentially concealed it.”

“We would like to think that losing work because you’re pregnant and that sort of thing is not a thing anymore. But I’m a bit dubious about that.

“I think that mothers, and particularly pregnant people, it’s stacked against them in some ways. And so there were certain tours that I did and certain gigs that I was like, ‘I’m just going to keep that to myself.’

“That fear, it’s a real thing,” says Parsons. “I’ve been in rooms before - before I had my own kids – in industry meetings and hearing someone’s name pop up for a position or something and then someone else just chiming in ... ‘oh, but they’ve got a baby.’ So that person was immediately out of the consideration. The way that that was done was really quite eye-opening for me.”

Two of Mel's kids feature on the cover of her song about parenthood, Tiny Days. Photo / Supplied.

While Parsons says she’s gone on to work with “some amazing promoters who haven’t batted an eyelid and have been really accommodating with either being pregnant or having kids” she is aware that “the gender imbalance persists.” Parson’s husband is also a musician but she says unlike her, he’s never asked where his children are when he’s out at a gig. “That’s one of the glaring inequalities that persists. I’ll get asked that, but he never will. To be honest, I find that sort of reverse sexism. I think that’s kind of offensive to dads.

“You know, if he’s not there at the show then he’ll be at home looking after the kids and sussing everything out at home. They are doing it all too.”

And with doing it all can come high expectations in often conflicting areas of parents’ lives.

“They expect mothers to work like they’re not mothers and mother like they’re not working,” says the Lyttleton local.

But as she’s learned, managing a music career and being a mum to three little ones means realising and accepting that, as a working parent, “you can’t be all things to all people all the time.”

• Find out more of Mel Parsons’ tips for managing career aspirations as a busy parent on today’s episode of One Day You’ll Thank Me.
• You can follow the podcast at iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes are out every Thursday.