When we think of heroes in our community most think of nurses. Caring for those at their most vulnerable day in, day out. They have big hearts and boy, they have some even bigger stories.
Some of these nurses have dished the dirt on the wild and wonderful things they see in their profession to news.com.au. And let's just say, who knew a pineapple could go there?
"It's amazing what people can do with vacuum cleaners too," one nurse explains with a wry smile.
Nurses know they have to buckle up and get on with the job — no matter who (or what) walks in the door.
"A 19-year-old presented — he was gorgeous, the nurses were a little infatuated. His girlfriend was sitting next to him, hysterical. He had put his jeans on without undies and his scrotum went through the zip."
I'll give you a little minute to sit with that image.
Always wear undies was the take-away there.
Some fascinating things happen every day in hospital wards. Photo / 123rf
"We had a gentleman in his mid-40s present, having an interesting evening and things had gone a little awry. He was unable to retrieve something that he had been using during an intimate moment with a friend. He needed to go to surgery to have this removed. The thing that we all had a little chuckle about — with the patient too, he was laughing — was that we could still hear the buzzing."
One nurse has told of the time a patient tried to lay one on her and lean in for a cheeky pash. "We were giving him a sponge bath, washing him and turning him. As I did, we thought he was still sedated, but somehow he put his arm out, did a big swing and pulled my head in and gave me a big kiss."
That wasn't the first-time love blossomed in a hospital ward. I asked whether there were any Grey's Anatomy moments, anyone finding themselves alone, in a medical supplies cupboard ... and looking for more than the band aids.
"No," one nurse said with a smile, "maybe the tea room!"
"But it was more the doctor and the nurse," she clarified. Not rendezvous with patients. Damn.
Also, a reminder for all emergency care workers out there: once you've helped a patient and their family you are forever in their hearts and their memories.
"I went to Hawaii when I was about 25," one nurse recalled.
"Thought I'll get into a bikini, I'd had two kids, no one will know me. Laid on the bed of the resort and this man and woman came up to me, sat on my bed and said 'It's YOU! You looked after my husband in intensive care'.
"I'm thinking, is my bikini line done? Am I covered?!"
The next time you're in a hospital, spare a thought for the nurses. And all they do for us. And maybe have a chuckle with them about the ridiculous things they face each day.
