KEY POINTS:
Stylistically speaking, you're prepared for all those Christmas parties you'll be attending over the next month. You know that sequins and bright shades are in, that your skirts should be shorter and your heels higher.
But what about real life? What about all those things that really happen at parties - you know, people getting drunk, falling over, getting together, spending the night somewhere inappropriate, like under a desk, a hedge or covered in peanut butter? What do you wear to do all of that and how do you look exceedingly fashionable doing that and then walking home the morning after? Read on and all will be revealed.
Tonight at a party, you're hoping to:
Impress random strangers
So you're off to a Christmas party with a new beau and you want to make a good impression? Well, apart from your scintillating wit and tres amusant conversation, you're probably best off attempting to do this with some flashy accessories. If you dress in a way that you think will impress, you might go wrong because, as you say, you've never met these people before. Even worse, you may feel strange because you've stepped out of your comfort zone, both aesthetically and socially. At which stage you'll be a stuttering mess. So stick with something pretty but not overly radical. Then add some amazing shoes, a fancy handbag or dynamite jewels that will catch a stranger's eye, incite admiring comments and, hopefully, mild jealousy. But of course, it doesn't look obvious and you won't feel like you've tried too hard.
Impress your workmates and colleagues
Ah, the trickiest dressing dilemma of all: what to wear to the office Christmas party? If you're having a costume party, that's easy. All you have to do is not dress like a Playboy bunny, a pimp or a prostitute and you should be right. But what if you're just having a nice party? Right, so before deciding upon an outfit you must decide on your goal at this event. Do you want to show everyone how hot (or perhaps elegant or fashionable) you are when not dressed in your work wear? Perhaps there is an inter-office flirtation you wish to pursue? Or do you want to look like you deserve a raise - but not like you're ready and willing to be groped by the naughty boss? Or maybe you've been waiting all year for a seat on the Xerox machine so you can photocopy your butt for posterity?
Well, unless the latter is the case or there is an inter-office affair you're ready to plunge into, then the best motto to dress by might be look but don't touch. Or maybe, pretty but aloof. This way no one gets the wrong impression but everyone is suitably impressed by your fabulous style. Of course, that's just until you jump onstage and start singing karaoke with the live band that the social club booked. Consider also that the photos of what you did and what you wore will be posted on the company website early next week!
Dance on a table
Be sure to wear some relatively sensible underwear and shoes with heels that won't scratch up the surface of whichever item you happen to climb upon. Because then you'll be able to prance about with gay abandon and, later when the hangover kicks in, at least you won't have to worry that you did a Britney or that the bar owner is writing up a big bill for scratching all his tables.
Go to a theme party
These really are the curse of the extremely cool person's life. Because themed parties are not about being cool or fashionable, they're about dressing up differently and going a little crazy because you don't have to be yourself. That is why all the office gals dress up like Playboy bunnies and prostitutes: it's a sartorial license to get loose and show innocent onlookers what a spunk you really are. Which is all fine and dandy if you're catching a cab straight there and then home again.
But what if you need to go and meet a whole other group of friends at a bar in town? The answer: go retro. It won't encourage quite as much wantonness but wearing a 50s frock, a hip 80s jumpsuit or dressing like a cabaret singer, you could still stumble down Queen St later at night and attract admiring glances rather than derisive snorts. Visit hip vintage stores like Fast & Loose and This Is Not A Love Shop if you need to maintain a stylish demeanour through the theme party and beyond. And if it's a toga party, well, you'll just have to call those other friends and tell them, sorry, you can't make it because - haw haw - you're two sheets to the wind tonight.
Meet some hottie
Obviously in order to do this you'll want to look hot too, right? Then you'll need to wear a flattering and, preferably sexy outfit. A while ago Viva conducted a completely unscientific survey where various men were asked whether they could tell the difference between a fashionable dress and a purely sexy dress. As in, one dress was by a designer label and the other looked pretty similar but probably had lower cleavage and a shorter skirt. While the respondents to our unofficial survey said they wouldn't necessarily be able to tell the difference between a designer outfit and an outfit that guarantees the wearer scores, they did know that anyone who had made an effort for an evening was up for a good time. They said they knew this because if a man was wearing a collared shirt and looked like he had tried to comb his hair this meant that he cared, which in turn meant he was up for meeting someone. This theory, the interviewed blokes thought, could be equally applied to ladies. So basically if you frock up just a little - you know, flashy dress, nice hair, makeup, high heels - this sends out a message that you have dressed to impress. And apparently it doesn't matter so much whether you look intensely fashionable - rather that you just look well groomed.
Okay, so say you do get lucky. And say one thing leads to another and the next morning there you are, trapped in some foreign suburb, still dressed in your party clothes. Of course, if the hottie is a nice hottie, you could ask for a T-shirt or jacket of some sort to throw on over your glad rags so that the walk of shame is less shameful. This also gives you an excuse to meet again, if you wish to.
But if a terminal case of the beer goggles has landed you with some loser from whom you need to escape immediately, then only a small amount of forward planning is required. Rewind to last night: now, simply grab a black cardigan on your way out of the house at night, or maybe even a loose jacket. When nocturnal activities get exciting, or you feel the need to dance on that table again, you just whip it off, tie it to your purse (which hopefully you won't lose) and then tomorrow morning, when you're stuck waiting for a cab out in Howick, you can put it on again and you'll look like a librarian who lost her way rather than someone who stayed out too long.
Get drunk and possibly fall over
This is exactly the sort of event that the little black dress was invented for. It's black, it doesn't show the stains from falling off the table on to the floor or from when your friend spilt the red wine on you. The only rule here is that if you're planning a wild night, then perhaps you'd better avoid white.
Go to several parties
Oh yes, the transition outfit you're always reading about, the one where you slip into the powder room wearing your work clothes and emerge seconds later, like some sort of babelicious Clark Kent, completely transformed into a ravishing vixen. Of course, in reality it's not that easy. For one thing, you don't want to look like you've tried that hard. For another, who wants to lug a sequined ball gown and stiletto slippers to the office?
So just take it easy. Find yourself a few easy elements to add to your existing outfit that make you look and, even better, feel more glamorous.
Sparkly hair clips, belts, scarves and jewels may do the trick. A slightly more risque top that goes with the pencil skirt you've been wearing all day could be the answer - any exposure of bare skin (arms, legs, shoulders) spells instant change. And even something as simple as changing into higher heels can change your mood to more celebratory one.
PARTY DRESS CODES
White Tie: Some people say this is the most formal of formal with men requiring white tuxedo or dinner jackets. Others say it's just a synonym for black tie. For women, the latter is all you need to know and any sort of formal gown, usually longer, will be right - just as it is for a black tie event. For men, best advice: ask your host whether white suits are compulsory.
Black Tie: Formal and fancy. Tuxedoes for the blokes and the girls should pull that floor-length gown out of the back of the cupboard, or perhaps spend agonising hours and lots of dosh shopping for one.
Creative Black Tie: This is more of an American term but if you ever get invited to one of these, what it means is that you can be a little bit more fashionable in your interpretation of the black tie dress code. That is, guys could wear a tux with a black shirt and no tie. Women could wear less formal, more fashion-oriented, shorter dresses or gowns.
Semi-Formal: This usually means a suit of some sort for the fellows and something relatively structured for women. A lot of the more rigorous definitions of these invitational terms specify skirt lengths for women too. For instance, semi-formal means a knee-length skirt, formal means floor-length and cocktail means you can wear flirty mini skirt lengths. But unless you're off to meet the Queen or George Bush, then in this day of democratic style, you can probably wear whatever skirt length you like if the dress suits the occasion.
Another strange note about semi-formal dress, apparently the descriptions informal and smart casual on an invitation actually mean the same thing as semi-formal.
You don't get to turn up in your shorts and T-shirts, rather jackets and frocks are still required although there are obviously degrees. Confusing, huh? Best thing is to use your personal discretion, depending on what sort of event it is.
Smart casual: See above for an explanation. And to be honest, unless it's used in an ironic way, we're going to try and avoid any party that uses this dry old description.
Cocktail: This is one of the most favoured terms on an invitation because it's still asking you to dress up but you don't have to worry about hiring suits or shopping for ball gowns.
Strictly speaking, fellows are still required to wear a jacket. In reality, some guys turn up in Hawaiian shirts! It's the most fun for the ladies though, as you can go all out with sparkles, short skirts and inappropriate heels. Unlike some of the formal events, this suggests having fun with no decorum is required.
Casual: You guessed it. This means what it says and, depending on the event, anything goes.
And one last thing: if you happen to get the dress code entirely wrong, remember that turning up in jeans just means you're a rock star visiting from out of town.
