Nadia Bokody uncovered a weird sexual brag men make that's utterly terrifying. Photo / Instagram/NadiaBokody
OPINION:
Women are inherently sensitive and dramatic.
It's what we're constantly told.
But while I've witnessed plenty of women crying both publicly and privately throughout my life, I've never seen one put her fist through a wall in anger, or hurl a PS4 controller at the TV in frustration after losing a game of FIFA.
I'm also yet to experience a woman throwing an online tanty with the intensity of a straight dude responding to a joke about men on the internet.
In almost a decade of writing about sex and relationships, I've received just a handful of nasty comments from women who've felt slighted by something I've penned.
In the same period, I've lost count of how many messages I've gotten from guys I've never met who've taken pains to detail over multiple paragraphs how unattractive they find me in retaliation to something I've written (evidently unaware of the fact I'm a lesbian, and also, this isn't high school).
It never fails to stun me how readily these men tell on themselves.
Like, sir, I know your mum hasn't let you out of the basement in a while and you're running low on Kleenex and Sorbelene, but that's really not my problem.
In truth, women aren't hypersensitive; we just teach men anger isn't a real emotion, and that outbursts of rage and masculinity are interchangeable.
But masculinity itself is such a fragile construct, it's constantly under threat by even the most trivial stimuli.
Take, for example, the fact a lot of men literally can't even clean and deodorise themselves unless they're using something labelled Sport!, POWER Fresh, or BEARGLOVE. Or the sheer volume of content dedicated to teaching guys how to be more manly.
Like, seriously, if you think you're having a bad day, spare a thought for all the men currently listening to a 45-minute podcast on How To Be An Alpha Male.
And let's not forget about the dudes who refuse to wipe their own butts on account of fearing it's "gay", or the men who need to be celebrated for performing painfully rudimentary tasks like changing their own babies' nappies and putting the toilet seat back down. (Straight women: BLINK TWICE IF YOU NEED HELP.)
One of the strangest displays of fragile masculinity I've witnessed to date though, is the idea being a #RealMan means sexually disappointing women, on purpose.
I discovered this bizarre belief recently, via frequent protestations in the comment sections of TikToks I made joking about guys not being able to find the clitoris.
At first, I thought the comments were satire, but as they continued to pile in, I realised they were in fact deadly serious.
These men claim that, actually, they DEFINITELY DO KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THE CLITORIS IS, MMKAY? But, like, they just don't care. Because ONLY SIMPS CARE ABOUT WOMEN'S ORGASMS, BRO! Reciprocally pleasurable sex? Ha! That's for p**sies!
As one man wrote: "We all know the right spot and it's not that we can't find it, it's we just don't care".
Another also appeared to boast: "Yikes imagine actually caring if the girls c**s or not lmao I couldn't care less".
I'm sorry... WHAT?!!
Are we actually at a point where caring about people other than yourself isn't masculine?
(Also, and I really cannot stress this enough to the men making these comments, I'm not sure bragging you use women as masturbation sleeves is having the intended effect you think it is.)
It's ironic, really, that while we brand women as "dramatic" and "sensitive" for being comfortable displaying emotions, we condition men to be so terrified of vulnerability, their own emotions end up bubbling over in arguably far more hyperbolic reactions.
Perhaps if we broadened the definition of what it means to "be a man" and made room for a broad spectrum of emotions under the umbrella of masculinity, men could do as they've been instructing women to do throughout all of history, and: relax, learn to take a joke!
And while you're at it, guys, it wouldn't hurt you to smile every once in a while.
At the very least, please learn how to lose at a game of FIFA without putting a hole through the drywall.
• Follow Nadia Bokody on Instagram and YouTube for more sex, relationship and mental health content.
Unbound Vol 1 weaves together pictures and interviews with NZ surfers.