Nadia Bokody. Photo / Nadia Bokody, Instagram
OPINION:
"The girl I'm dating now, until now, has exclusively dated men, and it's so easy to impress her," queer comedian DeAnne Smith jokes in her iconic 2017 stand-up.
"I just show her basic human decency and she loses her mind … I ask her how her day went, and she orgasms on the spot!" Smith quips to raucous laughter.
I remember seeing a clip of this set when it first went viral a few years ago, and sharing it with my girlfriends, who all shot back versions of "LOL. Too true!"
The video went on to accumulate over 50 million views across YouTube and Facebook, largely because it struck at the heart of something universally experienced by women who date men.
Swipe through Tinder as a straight woman for an hour, and you're sure to experience it for yourself.
Men with bios demanding "No single mums, fatties or feminists" have become disturbingly widespread on dating apps – so much so, there are entire social media pages dedicated to exposing them.
One such page, @TinderTranslators, includes a real man's bio that reads: "Here for NSA. No 'coffee beforehand to see if I'm safe'. I'm tired of society assuming I'm dangerous based solely on me being male."
Another passive aggressively declares: "If you wear clown-like makeup (which 99 per cent of girls on here wear) swipe left. I'm not interested in dating clowns."
These men aren't outliers, either. I hear stories all the time from friends who've been on dates with guys who've said and done things that should only ever happen in bad '90s Farrelly brothers movies.
From pressuring them for oral sex, to failing to ask them a single question about their lives, and casually referring to their ex-girlfriends as "psychopaths", there's almost too many red flags to count.
Needless to say, I've never seen these same women get more excitable than when they stumble upon a man who deviates from this standard.
"He's not even my type, but it's so refreshing to be treated respectfully and have someone take an actual interest in asking me about myself. We'll probably hook up, tbh," a girlfriend messaged me after a recent date.
Here's something a lot of guys might be surprised to learn: men who live by the principles of feminism (which, despite what misogynists will have you believe, is quite literally just the revolutionary idea women deserve equal treatment and body autonomy) get laid more often.
According to a new Sex In Canada survey, male feminists are having more sex than their non-feminist counterparts. They also reported performing and receiving oral sex with women more recently than men who didn't identify with feminism.
Most significantly, male feminists were more likely to participate in sex acts that focused on the female partner's pleasure.
Which really shouldn't be surprising, given a major component of feminism is sexual equality – something we know for a fact doesn't currently exist, as research shows 95 per cent of heterosexual men orgasm every time they have sex, compared to an abysmal 65 per cent of heterosexual women.
For context, the same study found gay women get off 88 per cent of the time. In other words, the problem isn't with women or their bodies. It's with men. (Although, I should clarify, it's not all men. As Smith herself put it in 2017, "I'm not talking to all of the men right now, just those of you that are feeling particularly defensive.")
Readers who are familiar with this column will already know this, because I repeat it so often: the key to the female orgasm (and indeed, women's sexual satisfaction) isn't penetration. It's clitoral stimulation. This is backed by extensive peer-reviewed research.
It's no coincidence queer women happen to have a hell of a lot more orgasms than heterosexual women. Of course, it's also not entirely shocking men who don't support gender equality aren't particularly interested in performing either of these sex acts on their female partners.
As the original chauvinist himself, DJ Khaled, said in a 2015 interview, "I don't DO that … It's different rules for men. You gotta understand, we the king."
On a more serious note, there's ample evidence to suggest this kind of sexist attitude isn't doing the guys any favours, either. A study published in JAMA Network Open revealed men are having less sex than ever before, and we know from the science, a lack of physical intimacy can lead to negative mental health consequences, something men are disproportionately impacted by.
Perhaps if the same guys who construct weirdly aggressive dating profiles and leave angry comments about how feminism is destroying the world on social media redirected that energy into treating women with "basic human decency", as Smith put it, there'd be a whole lot more sex being had.
In the meantime, the misogynists should probably resign themselves to the fact queer women are going to keep stealing their girlfriends.
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