'My husband has asked me for permission to have an affair'

A mum shared her dismay after her husband approached her and asked if it was okay to sleep with another woman. Photo / 123RF

This was one of Lifestyle's top stories in 2018

A woman is hurt and confused after her husband asked her a outrageous request.

A mum shared her dismay after her husband approached her and asked if it was okay to sleep with another woman.

At first she was mortified by the suggestions, but is also concerned that she might be being "petty".

After much agonising, she sought advice for her predicament on a relationship thread in Reddit.

"Last week my husband asked if he could talk about something serious. I said yes, of course, we are always very open and honest with each other," the 38-year-old wrote, as user cnfthrowaway.

"He tells me that he has been very distracted lately looking at other women and he hopes it hasn't bothered me too much.

"I have noticed him staring at younger women lately which isn't normal for him but I figured there is no harm in looking.

"It's not a problem for me if he isn't obvious about it and I tell him so. He asks me to tell him if I notice it again so he can stop. I say that's not my job and tell him he can stop on his own.

"We keep talking until he blurts out that he is thinking a lot about what it might be like to have sex with someone else."

The woman than revealed that she had many partners in high school and college, however she was her husband's first kiss.

"We've been monogamous and faithful ever since," she said.

"He promised he was fine with that when we committed. He promised again when we got married. Now nearly 15 years later he isn't fine anymore.

"I keep thinking this has to end in divorce.

"He says he'd like to date and have a fling," the woman continued.

"No way. How is that fair to me or her. He offers to have a one-night stand or hire an escort if it makes me more comfortable. How the f*ck is that more comfortable.

"I'm crying constantly and I keep thinking this has to end in divorce."

She admitted her husband even offered to have a legal separation and they can get back together in a few months. She was not keen on the idea at all, but when asked if he actually wanted a divorce his response was "no".

"He promises he will get therapy and learn to accept he is a one-woman man until he dies," she wrote.

"He tells me that he has been very distracted lately looking at other women and he hopes it hasn't bothered me too much." Photo / 123RF (stock)

"I'm crushed when he says this. I feel so petty. He assures me he can be fine again and asks me to just not worry about it. He tries to joke about really wanting a yacht but he will be fine without one as well. I try to laugh for him."

The woman said the past week she has had trouble sleeping next to him and night and has cried whenever she's alone.

"I don't know what to do other than file for a divorce that neither of us wants," she said.

"He wants my blessing to f*ck another woman before he turns 40. I'm angry, sad, confused. I love him to death but I think I need a divorce if he can't be faithful."

Many people shared their opinion on the Reddit post with some suggesting that he may be already planning to do the dirty deed.

"If not already he will do soon behind her back. He was just looking for permission to do it. He wants the best of both worlds," wrote one user.

"His extreme suggestion of a separation, and then very quick backtrack, makes me even more nervous," added another. "IMO [in my opinion] he wants to pretend very quickly that this was "no big deal" so that it won't become a thing. And [she] won't become suspicious/watchful. And maybe in 6 months to a year he has a mysterious business trip."

Others claimed he had already cheated on her was wanting to see what her reaction would be.

"This same thing happened to my mum's best friend, and it turns out he was already cheating," cohen14722 wrote.

The woman said the past week she has had trouble sleeping next to him and night and has cried whenever she's alone. Photo / 123RF (Stock)

"He suggested an open relationship as a way to soften her up to the idea. I think you should be open to the possibility that he may have already done the deed and was using this as a way to gauge your reaction."

Another agreed, stating: "I did think this, because it's something cheaters often do. They think if they get permission it somehow applies retroactively so they can stop feeling guilty."

Others took the husband's side for discussing his feelings with his wife honestly — assuming he hasn't done the scandalous action yet.

"You have every right to feel distraught, but I think your husband was honest in that he has other sexually (sic) needs." wrote one person.

"You need to work through it with him," said Devious Dan.

"He communicated how he was feeling and the issue to you, instead of cheating. He has done nothing except hurt your feelings, by being honest and truthful. I'd rather my feelings hurt a hundred times over than be cheated on ever again."

Another wrote: "Your husband doesn't want to hurt you. He wants help with feelings that he isn't completely able to control. It's not about you — he'd be feeling this way with any woman with the same history. The amount of open honesty in this relationship is really refreshing, as sorry as I am that you are going through it."