Weddings are getting more and more ostentatious. Is social media to blame? Photo / Unsplash
Lavish nuptials with strict wardrobe edicts in exotic locales are the latest trend among millennials trying to make a splash on social media.
On day one, there’s a pool party at a French beach club, to which guests have been asked to wear yellow, the bride’s favourite colour.
On day two, everyone’s invited to a boozy brunch (dress code: carnival), followed by a day three vineyard tour, where outfits should be black and gold. Day four is the pre-wedding celebration, drinks and canapes for 250 people in the sprawling grounds of a chateau, where the theme is “Riviera glam”.
And for those not fed-up with the endless wardrobe edicts, itineraries and spiralling costs, there’s day five, the wedding itself, an extravagant black-tie affair with Michelin-starred dining, fireworks, A-list entertainment and a long list of social media hashtags.
The WhatsApp group chats, one guest - a 34-year-old from Durham - confides, have been abuzz for months. “It’s a full week of annual leave and it’s costing me nearly £5000 [$10,000] in flights, accommodation and new outfits,” she says. “Who owns a yellow bikini?
“The couple aren’t even French. My husband and I got married in a registry office down the road. I don’t know who they think they are.”
Sound familiar? Welcome to the era of the mega-wedding: bigger, “better” and brasher than any nuptials you’ve ever attended.
Previously the preserve of A-listers - Sofia Richie’s 2023 wedding was a TikTok extravaganza - and traditional in some religions, mega-weddings are the latest competitive trend among millennials, for whom lavish, week-long festivities and colour-coded events in sun-drenched destinations are the only way to wed.
Three million Brits will attend a foreign wedding this year, with the average guest spending £1000 apiece for the privilege (compared to just £400 for a UK event).
Couples are eking out the ceremony itself, too, with 37% now planning multi-day nuptials for not only family but all their guests. And as the wedding expands, so, too, do the costs - for everyone involved.
Elnaz Gerami, CEO of global agency This Is It Marketing, has seen a marked rise in mega weddings in recent years. “It’s not just limited to the ultra-wealthy,” she says. “More ordinary couples are also looking to create something truly spectacular.”
The reason, she says, is social media, with the desire to make a splash online now even more important than impressing your guests on the day.
“Couples want their wedding to be Instagram-perfect,” Elnaz explains. “It’s about creating a story that’s visually stunning and totally ‘them’. With colour-coded themes, couples can tie each event together visually, creating a series of Instagram-worthy moments.”
Her company recently curated a £15 million wedding on the shores of Lake Garda in Italy, a multi-day event that started with pre-wedding yoga and massages by the lake. Another standout ceremony, a colour-coded affair in Santorini, Greece, featured a welcome party with a sunset-inspired outfit theme, followed by a beach day where guests wore tropical hues.
“Couples are increasingly viewing their weddings as an opportunity to create a full-on experience, not just a single day of celebration,” she says. “By spreading events over multiple days, they can enjoy various themes, moods and styles, making each day distinct yet cohesive.”
“When it comes to asking guests to follow specific colour codes or themes, most couples are thoughtful about it. They usually provide plenty of guidance and even offer assistance, such as arranging for group shopping trips or providing suggestions on where to find the right attire.
“From our experience, guests generally enjoy these requests. It adds to the fun and makes them feel more involved in the celebration.”
For many, of course, this is true. As one Londoner, who’s invited to a five-day wedding in Marrakech this autumn, puts it: “I’m in my late 30s, with two children, and I never do things like this any more. Sure, it’s expensive - I’m spending £3500 myself; my wife’s staying at home with the kids - but it’s a chance to go on holiday with my friends, dress up and let loose.”
Another, who’s attending a four-day wedding in Mallorca in September, has turned it into a family holiday. “Apparently even the best man is resentful of the time off work, but I’m looking forward to it,” she says. “No one is obliged to go. I think being a bit older and established in their careers tempts some couples to go all out in a way they might have got more flack for in their 20s.”
For some, however, the whole performance can be a little too much. Lydia Berman, a brand and marketing strategist based in Hertfordshire, recalls one mega-wedding: “The photographer was so broken and exhausted they upped and left, and the dad was so tired he and I snuck next door for half an hour for some chips and some peace.”
Wedding planner Michelle Jacobs, of Elegante by Michelle J, says some weddings turn into a “race” to go viral on social media. “We work hard to build to a crescendo where the wedding itself is the grand finale, but every other event could be a wedding in its own right,” she adds.
However, that’s not always a bad thing. Michelle, who has 27 years’ experience in the events industry, explains: “I can honestly say there’s nothing to beat the vibe of a destination wedding. Connections are forged between guests that will last a lifetime.”
“It’s a shared experience that brings them together across families and friendship groups in a way that doesn’t generally happen at one-day weddings.”
Last year, she planned a four-day wedding in Tuscany, requiring several spreadsheets and a mood board for each event: day one was a “summer chic” rehearsal dinner, followed by a “white” welcome party at which the couple, Taylor and Matt, wore pink, then a formal garden party, and finally the black-tie ceremony itself.
“Personally, I thought it was a big ask for guests, who were all flying into Italy from the US, in itself a big ask, but they all bought into it,” she says of the various dress codes.
Costs for a couple planning a wedding on this scale are stratospheric, with some additional events - usually complimentary for guests, including an open bar - costing more than the big day itself.
Flowers represent a big chunk of the budget, with many clients requesting huge floral installations to set the scene for colour-themed celebrations. Vicky Laffey, 2024′s wedding florist of the year in Yorkshire and the North East, says the cost of flowers at a mega-wedding “is likely to be a five-figure sum”, not counting staff, set-up and delivery.
There’s also the bride’s outfit - or rather, outfits - to take into account. With her guests bringing multiple costume changes, she’s got to outdo them all, and bridal model Eloise Skinner says she’s noticed a trend for not just one dress but an entire “bridal wardrobe”.
“Brides are now thinking about the rehearsal dinner dress, the bridal breakfast outfit, the ceremony dress, the party - and sometimes after-party - dress, and then the bridal outfit for the next day,” she explains.
Melissa Smith, 29, a teacher from Exeter, who’s marrying her partner David in Portugal next July, is one such bride-to-be. “I’ve got five dresses in different styles,” she says. “Three of them are white, one is black and the other is a pastel rainbow gown by Olivia Rubin, for our ‘rainbow’ party the day after we get married.”
She adds: “I’d seen loads of colour-coded events on social media and really wanted to incorporate one into our wedding. David wasn’t so sure, but my female friends love the idea. It’s just a bit of fun.”
Such is the popularity of mega-weddings, and experts say there has been a spike post-pandemic, as couples relish being able to host large gatherings, that an entire industry has built up around them.
Gemma Mullin, 32, founder of Essex-based The Wedit, retrained last year as a wedding “content creator”, part of a new genre of jobs specifically designed for brides and grooms seeking instant gratification from their big day.
She works alongside photographers and videographers to make quick-turnaround social media posts, including reels and videos, that capture the big day - and says demand is “huge”.
“Most have put a lot of money and thought into crafting the most perfect day, so they want to showcase that,” she explains. “We live in such a digital age now where we are so used to documenting every moment and our social media pages are like digital diaries, so why should your wedding day be any different?”
Well, quite. But when the wedding plans themselves are shaped by how good it’s all going to look on a smartphone screen, the trend may have gone a little too far.
Luxury event planner Debbie Marks, founder of Manchester-based Debbie Marks Events and the Qube Decor Group, has performed all manner of OTT requests for her clients, from ordering a bespoke ice sculpture of the couple’s cat to requesting Coldplay as a wedding band.
But in her experience, the richer and more prominent the couple, the more discreet they want their wedding to be, with social media eschewed entirely and, in some cases, phones banned or politely collected at the start of each event.
“Many wealthy individuals want to keep the day private,” she says. “It’s not always about the limelight that these weddings attract; many of them are behind closed doors.”
And ultimately, whatever type of wedding it is - from the lowliest to the most spectacular - Michelle Jacobs says it’s important to remember what really matters: the couple’s love for one another.
“Everything else,” she says, “is just sugar coating.” Albeit, in some cases, of the showiest, most eye-wateringly expensive kind.
New York Times: The importance of specialised care for fragile new mothers.